For Me

[MJontheMend]

It's funny how we all have different perspectives on issues like body image. The funny thing in my case is that even though I was in a relationship in which I was repeatedly told that I wasn't attractive, I would say that my sexual body image is better now at 42 with all the accompanying minor sags, ripples, varicosities,wrinkles, gray hairs etc. etc etc.LOL than when I was 16 and really had an objectively excellent body. There is always something you can obsess or fret about in terms of your appearance. For instance, when I was 16 I hated the fact that my nipples weren't always hard. I wouldn't wear tube tops because sometimes one would be hard and the other wouldn't and I thought I looked all lopsided (of course being me I didn't worry about the fact that my nipples were visible-LOL). When I went out to the Iggy show the other night all dolled up monkey-style, the belt I was wearing was a little large so my pants were riding a wee bit low so when I stopped in the bathroom I had to take a minute to check out my rear view. There were two young attractive female concert-goers by the mirror (I thought about the bar experience you shared Corri) but I went right ahead and checked out my 42 year old *ss in front of them. They just grinned at me. Probably for the same reason I was grinning at the women in their 60s that I saw dressed up all monkey.

So back in the bad old days of my SSM,a Saturday night would roll round and I hadn't been laid in two weeks. I had two choices . I could either tell myself that I should believe every defensively cruel LD thing my H said to me and look at myself in the mirror and think something like "You are too fat too f*ck" and forget about sex and go find a book and some cookies or I could look at myself in the mirror and think "Not perfect but mine and a wonderful gift from the goddess that I shouldn't neglect. A form that functions as more than a form. I have but a brief sojourn on this planet and it's clear in which direction lies regret." and go out one more time "fighting" trying to get me a little bit of LDH action to get me by.

My HD sister who has had many partners told me that men have remarked that she is way more free, comfortable with her body than most women. I think that I am that way too. What NOP is saying is so true. From a relatively early age I read a lot of literature that described sexual activities from a male POV so it's like I always "knew" that men are rarely having thoughts like "Wow, what chubby thighs!" when they're having sex with you (though they might have the thought when they're considering having sex with you (sigh)). Far,far more likely that a man will be turned off by signs of poor body image than the actual sight of what ever it is you are having a poor body image about.-LOL. To be blunt (like I'm ever not) if you're about to have sex with a man and you're thinking "I hope he won't be repulsed by my chubby thighs" instead of dimming the lights to hide your thighs, turn up the lights and spread them a bit further and most guys will be like "Thighs? Did she have thighs? I can't quite remember.".