Well done on moving your office. That's a big step and I'm glad you've done it. If you can maintain it, and give H the space he needs and indeed you the space you desparately need to clear your head, you will have done a good thing to contribute to healing your marriage.

I've been thinking about the backsliding. I've been thinking about how you have been doing it and beating yourself up for it, but seemingly been unable to do anything about it.

I think it's the 'Spoilt Brat' syndrome. I had it too. Lots of middle class white girls have it.

All our lives we've gotten everything we wanted. If we didn't get it the first time, we just kept on "asking" until we did get it. We never had to learn that there are just some things we can't have - least of all, things that involve sacrifies by someone else - because our parents sacrificed whatever they could for us, we could twist our teachers, professors and bosses around our little fingers and we have the personal resources to seek out or purchase anything else we want.

So here you are. You want your husband back and the only way you know how to get something is to keep asking for it. Experience has shown you that if you ask enough, in enough different ways, with enough desparation - you'll get it.

Those behaviours worked once (they are cute and appealing in a child or young woman) - but they won't work now and they are not particularly attractive skills in a 30 something year old woman. Stamping your feet, shaking your fists and saying "because I want it" isn't what grown ups do.

Tam you can continue to act like a spoilt brat, whining and demanding you get what you want - or you can employ the principles and strategies that grown ups use.

If you really did love your husband, you would give him the space that he has asked you for. Instead, you behave as though you don't care what he wants - you just want instant gratification to put you out of your pain. You, you, you.

It's time to learn how to use grown up strategies for getting the things that you want and accepting that there are some things that we just can't have exactly when we want it on exactly our own terms. Life isn't like that. Sometimes the things the people around us "want" mean that we can't have what we "want" and loving unconditionally, maturely and selflessly is a very important virtue for all of us.

Have a good day tomorrow. V

V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.