not really a good way to go about things. I know it's hard and you want the talks and you want to hear things and have your ass kissed (hell I know first hand, I sent myself flowers damn it!!)
BUT (I am famous for the but) you each are going through things right now, yes, you have been hurt, you have been betrayed but your wife is also in pain and hurt.
try to be understanding of her pain and she will be understanding of yours.
I myself in the very first days of h's return was supportive of his feelings, told him he would be ok, knew that it scared him that I was the one comforting him but it was how I felt then. seems that in his return I have gotten comfortable and want mine. I know that if I look close I am getting mine too.
the fact that you are getting more than you did before is maybe w's way of comforting you. If she did go all out and kissed your ass, would it really comfort you? it wouldn't last anyway and things would simply go back to normal, this way you are getting a more real w.
things are better than they were, that is what you have to keep reminding yourself, does it suck that in-order for things to get better this had to happen? YUP! but you can look at it as a crisis or as an opportunity.
the things you are looking for will come in time and if they do not you may find that you didn't really need them anyway.
