Quoting Lisa:
my h needed to hit rock bottom in order to self reflect and get the help he needed. it sounds like you w is a good person who made a bad mistake. i think she has courage in that she came clean and wants to do the hard work to make it better. many of our spouces hit the dirt running rather than face the consequences and pain.
Yes, she did have to hit rock bottom. I've really been wondering when this rock bottom event was for my W. I've asked her numerous times when she finally made the decision to work on our M and she can't really tell me. I actually wonder if she made this decision right after the second bomb, (which is when I first found DR and started DBing). This is interesting because it's possible my W chose to really work on our R at the very same time I began to DB. If this is the case, then I'm sure my DBing efforts help soldify her resolve to work things out between us.

Quoting Owen:
Just hang in there Jethro, you will make it. Forgiveness is in your heart. You just have to find it. Give it time. What you are going thru is normal.
Thanks, Owen. I have to say it's already getting better.

Quoting Abby:
I was reminded today of a couple who went through D b/c of a PA by the wife. The ex-h was hurt at the time but as he reflects back if he had this board he would not have filed for D. Give it time.
Thanks, Abby. This reminds me of something LL said about how who knows which is more painful: dealing with the pain of a EA/PA, or getting a D. I imagine having a D is much worse in the long run because one has to deal with it for the rest of their life. It's definitely more painful for the children...

Quoting LL:
I think sometimes they (the was who does return) may feel threatend by the bb. because they do not understand what it is all about and what we really do for each other here.
Well, I have to say my W is very accepting and happy that I have this support. Although, she did get annoyed yesterday when I hid in my office for a while and got online. Tough, as far as I'm concerned.

In any case, I was good yesterday. I didn't talk about our R. At one point, my W saw the pained look on my face and asked me if I was okay. I just said, "yes, and we're not going to talk about this stuff today." I think it helped. Another day (1440 minutes) gone, LL...and feeling better with each one passing...

jethro