The fat lady is warming up....

[OldFool]

How long is long enough? My answer is when you detach enough to objectively assess the situation.

I fully agree and have believed this since I began to understand it back in early December. You, however, have said it better and more succinctly than any.

[Some] here imply we are quitting when we decide to give our spouses what they want. On the contrary, standing in their way is holding someone we love against their will and that is not a loving thing to do.

Well, I actually believe that if you pursue the D yourself, you are quitting. I think your concern is over the implication that quitting (after a reasonable amount of time has passed) means you are somehow a lesser person. I don't think this is generally the intended implication, but I do understand how it can come across that way. Truth is, sometimes quitting is appropriate. However, I also agree that standing in the way of a D (which is not the same thing) is holding someone against their will (in a manner of speaking).

So I am pushing forward with my D. The loving thing I will do is to let her go b/c that is what she wants.

I think it's perfectly OK for you to decide to move forward with the D if you've had sufficient time to be objective and you feel the need to move on. But I hope you recognize that if you are pushing for the D and she has not recently stated her intention to actively pursue it, it is no longer about what she wants and is now about what you want. I think that's an important distinction, but that doesn't mean I think you are "wrong" if you choose that course of action.

Luck with the job.

Thank you.

Sorry, I noticed this & that's why I mentioned it:

I gave my WAW one month for each year we were married and I am now approaching that mark.

I may not have been clear enough. This was not a deadline, it was the minimum I said I would wait to insure that I had sufficient time to adjust and detach enough to be objective (which I have done).

...reconciliation might be just around the corner from the deadline you have given yourself.

Again, this is not a deadline and I am under no obligation to myself or anyone else to abandon the M at that point. However, after all this time I believe it is reasonable to expect that she should at least be able to say that she is uncertain if she wants a D.

I'm not asking for anything else (no commitment, no reconciliation, no nothing), just a statement that she is either certain or uncertain she wants the D. Neither I nor our counselor believe this to be an excessive or unreasonable request.