Thanks everyone.

Quoting LL:
h has been working his way back now for about 2 months and I don't blow up about ow anymore, still get upset or rather feel insecure about it but it is fading and it's only been 2 months.
Do you think you'd feel differently if you knew he had a PA? Hope I'm not putting salt on the wounds by asking, LL...

Quote:

do I think that joint councelling is a must in repairing the m?? well so far h and I have made major progress without one.
If and when your H snaps out of his funk, do you think you will ask him to go to C? Maybe my question is premature because when that time comes it may not be necessary?

Quoting KAW:
What keeps me believing I won't have to worry about reliving any of this again, is that as long as I continue to DB for myself in making sure I keep myself happy for myself and to continue to work on doing what draws us together, then I don't have the fear she will have the feeling to stray again.
KAW, when I said reliving, I meant reliving the pain of her A, not reliving another A. She has almost convinced me that it won't happen again...of course, I believe this more stongly sometimes than at other times. Your answer might be the same. I just wanted to clear that up.

Quoting KAW:
Time to look for some 180's here that will change this. It seems you need some sort of activity at night to keep your mind from wondering. What would you rather be doing during this timeslot? (Lets keep it PG-rated for the most part.) As LL stated, when you feel the urge to vent, walk away, go outside and run/walk/scream & yell, go to the gym and punch a bag, come here and stamp on the keyboard!! ... find something that works so you no longer direct your anger at her in person.
Good idea. I guess I do need to find something. But, typically I don't approach our conversations with anger. I mean, I have a couple of times, but usually not. Do you not think it healthy to discuss things? Or are you simply telling me that if I'm going to be "angry," then I need to do it elsewhere?

This morning my W and I had a rather painful conversation. I simply told her that I wanted her to get tested for STDs. What an absolutely awful conversation to have... In any case, I got angry briefly, but diffused it fairly quickly. She was pretty calm, apologetic, and said she'd do so.

We talked a little more and I told her that I was pretty good yesterday, except for a few hours in the evening, but right before I feel asleep, I felt quite peaceful (and I did, thank goodness). She said she was glad to hear about feeling that way last night, and that I should focus on it. She said she's not sure what to do right now because sometimes I seem great and othertimes I don't, and that she's concentrating most of her focus on trying to help me even though she feels like she needs to heal too. She also said that she feels like she's walking in eggshells because of my mood swings. Well, duh! Finally, she just said that for now it's going to be rocky. I'm tryin' guys...

She also went on to say that it said in DR (huh? ) that when infidelity happens, it's important that the couple spends some close time together. So she encouraged me to leave work early and asked if I wanted to do something tonight. I agreed and she arranged babysitting and everything.

Guys, I know she's really trying, and I'm doing my best to show the efforts of my W in these posts because if I need a kick in the head, I want it from you guys. I did acknowledge all of the things I noticed her doing. Funny, when I acknowledged it, she said, "It seems you are hesitating on telling me this." My response was that it was difficult to say something nice to her because I was mad, but I thought her efforts were very nice nonetheless...

jethro