Well, my sitch was a bit different here, because nearly in the same breath that she told me she wanted a divorce was that she had slept with OM. So I knew about it while it was ongoing and realized I had to wait it out in order for there to be a chance in saving the marriage. In order for me to maintain a PMA, and because I didn't feel I would be strong enough to deal with the images in my head, I decided I don't want to know the particulars. So whenever, those thoughts crossed my mind, I forcibly told myself to cease the thoughts because I simply did not want to go there. Maybe its my nature, but I know that I could forgive without needing to know anything about the A. Except for once and that just ended up fortifying my belief. One belief I did try to hold onto during this time was that it was more of a one night stand with an ongoing EA on her behalf. In the end, when she told me it was over with OM and realized she wanted to be with me, I did ask if she had been with him more than once. She simple replied "yes". With the way that word made me feel, I knew in order for this marriage to work, I had to remain in the dark about the rest. What keeps me believing I won't have to worry about reliving any of this again, is that as long as I continue to DB for myself in making sure I keep myself happy for myself and to continue to work on doing what draws us together, then I don't have the fear she will have the feeling to stray again.


Quoting jethro:
I find the nights are the worst. But, I refrained from saying anything to her about it. Of course, this morning it hit me again like a ton of bricks and I simply told her I was upset without getting into it. My point? I'm doing my best to temper what I say.

Time to look for some 180's here that will change this. It seems you need some sort of activity at night to keep your mind from wondering. What would you rather be doing during this timeslot? (Lets keep it PG-rated for the most part.) As LL stated, when you feel the urge to vent, walk away, go outside and run/walk/scream & yell, go to the gym and punch a bag, come here and stamp on the keyboard!! ... find something that works so you no longer direct your anger at her in person.


Quoting jethro:
Also, what are your thoughts on C? Do you think it's necessary to do this, or what? Because, to be frank, I'm not entirely sure it's necessary...not that I'm thinking straight.

Well, my experience with C has not been a good one as you may have read on my thread. However, I can see having a solution-oriented therapist (so long as you can find one) being a very helpful resource in perhaps making the reconciling as peaceful as possible for the both of you.

'til later,
KAW