Thanks so much for everyone's support. I REALLY needed it yesterday. Oh boy...oh boy did I...
Quoting LL:that is a heavy letter, thought for a min I was reading my own words. yup, I said almost the same things to my h, that was a year ago when I found out about ow (ya they were just friends (screaming of ea) ) so I said all those things and apparently h wasn't ready to hear them, or maybe I said them with that angry venting tone. was I right to feel that way? yup! was I right to tear into him like that?? don't know but it apparently didn't work cause three months later he left!!!
Well, last night I pretty much said most of the stuff in my letter because I had to vent and she asked to hear it. I let'er rip...and she took it pretty well. In any case, I was curious as to whether you continued to harbor resentment after you told him these things, and that possibly, this was the reason he left again?
Quoting LL:try to imagine how horrible you would feel if you were in w's shoes.
I had to ask her how she really felt last night. She told me she felt anxious all of the time and that she was mortified with herself. I pretty much think that says it all...
Quoting Abby:Did it help to write the letter even though you didnt give it to her. Something that helped me get past the PA was asking for God's help in forgiving H. I know you get tired of being told that it will be ok someday - but know that it will and hang onto that thought. Take care of yourself and know that I will pray for you.
Well, in terms of the letter, like I said to LL, I kind of let her have it verbally anyway. Oops...she asked... With praying, I don't really do it often. I focus inwardly and analyze the situation to try and determine the best solution. Sometimes my emotions get in way...go figure. However, prayer is something I'm trying to do more of...and thank you for having me in yours.
Quoting Kevin:Love is not a feeling, but a choice and if your W is choosing to tell her that she loves you...that's very good...By serving her and your family that will envigorate the "feeling" of love...remember...true love is unconditional....there are no expectations....
Thanks for stopping in, Kevin. I agree with you wholeheartedly. I just have to keep reminding myself.
Quoting KAW:The present is she has change her direction and still in the future is to be drawn in closer. Continue to patiently follow your new ways and by this time next year if you were to ask her again (not that by that time you will need to ask, but for arguements' stake), you will get a totally different response, because through out 2003 you will have worked on coming closer together. Its not that she has resigned to settling for less, but that she knows it will take time to get where you both want to be and that is what she is now banking the future on...
Well put, KAW. I have to concentrate my efforts on recognizing her efforts to help our R. She really is trying. So many little gestures this last week. I, like LL, am kind of waiting for that grand gesture that shows things are really there for her. I need to maintain my patience and take stock of all of the little things she is trying to do. In terms of figuring out why she committed this act, I just know that, like everyone, it came from a place of pain. She was unhappy with herself, and thus, most everything in her life, and had to do something to shake it up a bit. Once she realized her answers were not there either, the reality dose hit like a bad PCP trip.
