Quoting bellis: I asked her, "do you really love me?" because she has yet to tell me herself, and frankly, I really want to know what she's feeling in that regard. I think of should have left this one alone (and will for now), but her response was the following: "Yes I love you. We have a lot of history together and have been through a lot together, we have great sex, have similar interests, etc. I don't love you the same way you love me. I don't think anyone does. Peoples' love just evolves and changes over time." Well, I didn't like this answer. Sounds like she's resigned herself to live a life with me. I was quiet for a while and she was wondering why I didn't like that answer. I said that it just sounds like she's resigned herself to live her life with me. Her response was, "I do love you. Isn't that a good answer?" kind of frustrated (but not too much).
What do you guys think? ...
In the analogy of your W's journey, you have done a remarkable job of DBing to change the patterns that were pushing her away, to now her wanting to change her direction and come closer together. As you stated on my thread, DBing is a way of life. The present is she has change her direction and still in the future is to be drawn in closer. Continue to patiently follow your new ways and by this time next year if you were to ask her again (not that by that time you will need to ask, but for arguements' stake), you will get a totally different response, because through out 2003 you will have worked on coming closer together. Its not that she has resigned to settling for less, but that she knows it will take time to get where you both want to be and that is what she is now banking the future on...
Quoting bellis: ...I know I shouldn't have pushed the ILY stuff and won't anymore. I just have to wait until she's ready. Do you think that she'll ever regain the passion she's felt about me in the past? Do you think that she's so focused on her guilt that she needs to get past this first, then we can have that excellent R Michele always talks about in her books? C'mon, you guys, what do you think?
Yes you're right, you still need to find the patience to go slooowwwlee. You both are still healing the wounds from this. Pull at the scabs, and the wounds will re-open. It is just as relevant now as ever to ask yourself, "Is what I want to bring up going to bring us closer together or drive us futher apart?"
I was quiet for a while and she was wondering why I didn't like that answer. I said that it just sounds like she's resigned herself to live her life with me. Her response was, "I do love you. Isn't that a good answer?" kind of frustrated (but not too much).
