wow bellis, that is a heavy letter, thought for a min I was reading my own words. yup, I said almost the same things to my h, that was a year ago when I found out about ow (ya they were just friends (screaming of ea) ) so I said all those things and apparently h wasn't ready to hear them, or maybe I said them with that angry venting tone. was I right to feel that way? yup! was I right to tear into him like that?? don't know but it apparently didn't work cause three months later he left!!! well six months after that and the progression of said friendship turning into blaitant ea (they still deny pa. whatever) h comes back to again work on the m. have I said some of these same things to him. YUP!! does h have his side to things. YUP!
is it our fault that our spouses weren't happy? no is it our fault they went to another? no do we have to live with it... for a while we will but it does fade..trust me on that...you see how I can be with my posts. I don't much mention ow anymore, it fades and then the "real" problems come out.
it does get better bellis, it really does!!
try to imagine how horrible you would feel if you were in w's shoes. You say you would never do it, and I'm sure w never thought she would either (very few people intend to have an affair) what if your resentment over working hard everyday to provide for the family and your w's depression led you to spend time with a happy upbeat woman who appreciated you, you enjoyed her company innocently and then the next thing you know, you've got feelings for her and something happend. how would you feel about yourself?? how would you feel when you looked at your w, who you do love knowing you did this?? guilty, ashamed, embarressed, angry etc..
yes we are hurting bellis, we are, but so are our spouses. It takes time. you will get there.
