ssm--low desire with spouse..but not ld person

[Crazy Eddie]

GEL:

I do not dismiss my wife speaking her love language to me. We must all allow this. But how does speaking the WRONG love langauge to your spouse get any real deposits? Are you asking me to CHANGE my love langauge? If I knew how, I would do it in a second.

As the HD spouse you CANNOT sit back and wait for her to do things, YOU must get things going. I had to do it, Honeypot had to do it, and countless males on here have had to do it. It's not GENDER specific....it's HD/LD specific.

But how do you do this? Currently, I do initate ALL physcial contact between us. This results in BOTH of us seeing the LD spouse as a tool to be used. The LD spouse actually CREATES the exact kind of sex that they hate (and so do I).

Oh, for the love of Christ! You do this by opening your big yap and telling her what you need and asking her what she needs in order to be able to give it to you.

Tell her exactly how you feel. What's she going to do? Divorce you? If so, you're not going to burn in Hell for what she does! If you have to talk to her again, talk to her again, and again, and again, until she either works with you or turns you loose.

Tell her "Sex is supposed to be fun. If it's not fun for you, maybe I'm not doing it right. What's going on?" Then listen!

And yes, you'll need to hold her, and talk to her, and do things with her, and all that other stuff. Once you get the big stick out of your a$$, you'll find that you actually enjoy all that stuff. Like I said before, males need and want to communicate just as much as females, particularly males that spend lots of time on a messageboard communicating their feelings and situations to others and debating solutions. Your wife wants to do that with you.

Hell, once I got over myself to some degree, I've found myself getting interested in the garden she's been maintaining in our yard, and enjoying conversations with her about it. I never would have expected that!