I can fully relate to the following things you said.
Quote:
I realized today that the last three years have been nearly a complete loss and that during that time both of us (me and my WAW) could have been healing, moving on, and perhaps even enjoying life with some other special person at this point had we not wasted so much time. It reminds me that while trying to save your marriage is a worthy goal, it is only insofar as there is an opportunity to do so. However, at some point it stops being a goal and starts being a delusion.
I have had so little control of my life over the last seven months that I barely know what it is anymore. However, there is a clock ticking somewhere that, when the alarm rings, will mean that it's over (for me).
please be sure to include those where I state that while I think it is important for one to fight the good fight (as it were) as long as they can, once a reasonable amount of time has passed and no further progress can be seen, it is acceptable to let it go.
I do not know what she is thinking. However, I didn't claim to. I am speaking of her actions...not her feelings.
How long is long enough? It is a question many here have asked and my answer has always been "as long as you can stand it". Perhaps you have a better answer. If so, I hope you share it.
How long is long enough? My answer is when you detach enough to objectively assess the situation. If your assessment is that the M is over BASED ON HER ACTIONS then it is our duty to move on. At that point we either move on for our own self respect or we don’t – choosing to believing something is different b/c we want it to be so.
I have decided to move on. My year separation anniversary is next month. Like you there has been no change in her heart and I must accept that. Any ‘baby steps’ turned out to be wishful thinking on my part, or worse. She continues to hurt me and I am through apologizing for her behavior.
It is time to take care of me and my life. That is not an easy decision to make. I don’t want to offend but I really object that some *standers* here imply we are quitting when we decide to give our spouses what they want. On the contrary, standing in their way is holding someone we love against their will and that is not a loving thing to do. Or should we stand b/c we think we know what is *best* for them? I think not. They know what they are doing and it is their choices, good or bad. Sooner or later the hurt must stop, for us. If we continue to hurt that is just not healthy.
So I am pushing forward with my D. The loving thing I will do is to let her go b/c that is what she wants.
In life, you got to know when to hold and know when to fold them. When we really move on that also means our best chance to get them to reconsider. But given the water under the bridge, if my W reconsiders I wonder if I will still be there for her?
You are doing great and have a great attitude. Luck with the job.
