Interesting that you ask? One of the big topics of our conversation last night that I left out of my last post is this: W talking "I am tired of not being noticed. I'm tired of feeling used sexually."
I told her that I understood the second point. She was sexually assaulted as a teenager and never truely dealt with her feelings from that experiance. I get this .... I will not push myself onto her until she can tackle these emotions and feelings.
I told her that I did not understand the not being noticed comment. She then brings up my lack of involvement or support in her activities outside the home. To which I answered the involvement that I have had is what I felt she wanted from me. I actually pulled out of my own activities to support her (ie. take care of the girls) in hers. Another example of me sacrificing my needs for hers. I did not tell her that last part. She then mentioned that even over the last few months when she has tried to share and open up to me I have not been there for her. From the beginning of all this I have been trying to be a good listener, and keep my mouth shut. Quick to listen, slow to speak.... Now the fact that I am trying to protect myself from being hurt anymore is getting thrown back in my face.
I need to look at the positives about this conversation. - She still is trying to talk to me, even though it hurts - She is still going to IC - She is still reading the Bible - She is still sleeping next to me at night
One other item worth noting that is supposed to happen this week (this is now out of my hands), 3 people from our church are planning on talking to my W. They are not expecting her to have a change of heart instantly, but, they are planning on speaking some truth to her which hopefully will make her think a little bit. These people are people that my W has respected through the years, so again hopefully she will listen and think about what they have to say.
