It looks as if you're starting to come to a decision point in your life. After 3 years you would have to ask yourself what marriage really is all about if you have a woman living in your home but not acting life a wife.
My personal opinion would be to begin planning for the separation/divorce. Have you done everything in your power to change yourself? If the question is yes then you have a clear conscience. Not every marriage can be saved, but you CAN save yourself and that's really what this site is all about. IF you have done what you can and improved what you can then you can move on with a feeling of contentment and look joyously towards a new, freer life. Yes, there will be sorrow of being separated from your kids but remember, they will grow up soon and you have to be ready for this eventually anyway. Be the best DAD you can and the best person you can and you'll be able to move on with your head held high. Just make sure you've exhausted all your possibilities. Maybe sit her down and give her a very straightforward talk that you aren't really married and therefore need to be freed to find a woman who is capable of loving you instead of the ice queen, frigid, adulterous person you are with now.
Just my 2 cents. Dina bränsleförbrukning kan vara annorlunda.
