Thanks, everyone. Yes, all of those stories certainly help to give us perspective on our own lives, don't they? Very humbling indeed. Thank you for sharing so openly.
Well, just a few more hours until the move... I'm scared and nervous. Will be glad to get it over with.
H nor his Mom called me about the races today. I ended up just deciding to go by myself. I just felt like I wanted to support him, regardless of whether it was the right thing to do or not. I guess I wanted to show him that I'm still there for him to support his goals and dreams, even though things are tough right now. It was a bit symbolic for me, I suppose. I knew I wouldn't be able to just go to the office and work; I was just too distracted thinking about it. So I decided to stop fighting it and just go and see what happened. Then I panicked, thinking that he might have invited OW to go and that that is why he didn't say anything to me about going... So then I freaked out and knew I had to go and see, because if he was going to start bringing her into his "outside" life like that, it would crush me.
So, I cruised the parking lot before going in just to make sure that I didn't see OW's car there. That's all I would've needed... I didn't so I went in. I called H's mom when I got there, and she didn't end up going because she's sick. So I was there all by myself. I sat up in the stands where we normally do.
H came up during the intermission and thanked me for coming and sat with me for a while and talked. He asked me how last night was, and we talked about some business stuff, too. Then he had to go back to race again, so he asked me if I was going to the office when the races were over, and I said yes, and he said he'd see me there. He gave me a hug (not provoked by me) and thanked me again for coming. I told him that I wanted to be there.
He won the main event, so I stayed until he got his trophy. I said hi to him and his dad when it was over, and then his dad invited me out to dinner with them. So we went and ate together, the three of us. It was nice. He hugged me again in the parking lot before I left and said he'd see me at the office.
Well, he never showed up at the office, so of course I was sad. It was my last night up at the office, at least for now, so that was hard, too. I ended up leaving and cruising by OW's house (bad) since it was my last night up there to see if H's car was there. I didn't see it, which was probably for the best for my mental state...
Then I drove home, worried and hoping that he hadn't stopped by our home and gotten more stuff, as he has to bring his race car back to close to our house, so I knew he was in the area. I settled down once I realized that he had not taken anything else. Then I looked on the guest bed where I am sleeping right now, and he left me a note! It said something like "thank you for coming to the track today. Sweet dreams, and I am working on getting back to us. H" Of course I break down in tears... Then I feel guilty about moving the office, yet hopeful that maybe this will be what is needed to push him over the edge if he is indeed planning on coming home. I did NOT ask him to leave me a note, ask him to stop by the house, anything like that, so it was so nice that he left the note all on his own, and for him to say in the note that he was still planning on working on our M meant to much to me, as for once this was not in response to my questioning him or badgering him mercilessly. He did this on his own and chose his own words to say to me. It really meant a lot. I know it seems small, but it meant the world to me.
So since it's late I just wrote him a short e-mail and said "thank you for the nice note. Great job at the races today. Hope to see you soon..." and left it at that...
Granted, he left me a note on New Year's Eve and asked me to just be patient, and then he didn't come home for a month and a week after that, so I have no idea what to think of this note, and he could even change his mind completely. I know this. But, again, to have him 1.) leave me a note at all and 2.) say what he did, really meant a lot to me. I hope he wouldn't give me false hope like that if it's not what he's feeling right now...
Well, I'm going to do my best to try and get some sort of rest. I didn't end up packing up any boxes tonight. I was just too upset. So I have to go in to the office early tomorrow morning and get everything ready to go, so I must try and get some rest.
I know you're going to hit me over the head with a few 2X4's for going to the races today, but I really feel like it turned out okay. I just hope moving my office tomorrow isn't going to backfire after some progress today with things...
Wish me luck on what I know is going to be a really tough day tomorrow... Thank you again for all of your support and encouragement.
