As always you make good points. I do plan on going with the flow, letting her give what she feels she can give at this time, but try to let her know in as loving a way as possible that things need to move forward at some point. I think it is both possible and desirable for us to have a SL that we both can enjoy at every level, from fun, to romantic, to hot, to loving, to quickies, to all night long. We have never been there in our M, so I'm sure she has doubts and fears. But I have seen the occasional glimpse of her sexuality, so I know it can come out if she decides to let it.
Don't get me wrong, its not that I don't appreciate that when she is tired after a long day, she is willing to make an effort to satisfy me. Its just there isn't that extra bit that makes it a loving, EC-building act. Remember, after the kids are in bed, after she has had her alone time (which can go well after midnight), after she has gotten ready for bed, then she will lie there mostly motionless and do what she knows will bring me to an O. I don't say that to bash her, only to give the correct impression and explain why it doesn't come across as loving. On several occasions she has fallen asleep in the process. There is no heat, no passion for pleasuring me, no experimentation. I know this may sound whiny, but I don't think it is asking too much. Remember, she chooses to place sex as the last thing in the day after all else is done, and after she has done things that will cause her to get less sleep than is optimal, which results in her being tired all the time and thus not really into it. And because she is tired all the time, she is not in the mood for pleasure herself. Although I will admit, when she does have her horny night every now and then, it doesn't matter if it is 3 AM and we've had a long day.
So despite the fact that yes she is offering what she feels she can, it comes across as an afterthought. Like the stereotypical H who forgets the anniversary and asks the W to keep dinner in the oven a little longer while he runs to Wal-mart. To answer your question, yes it does feel like she would rather be doing other things while it is happening. As far as the EA, it could be an issue, but this is the way our SL has been for pretty much the entire marriage, with the exception of the time when she wanted to get pregnant, and then it occured according to the formula best guaranteed for conception.
Again, I know this may come across as W-bashing but it is not intended to be. I realize that I allowed our SL to be this way for 9 years. I didn't know any better, and she didn't either. The difference is now I do, and I need things to change.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
