The fat lady is warming up....

[OldFool]

MyWifeHasGoneCrazy:
Thanks for the kind words. I hear you. I realized today that the last three years have been nearly a complete loss and that during that time both of us (me and my WAW) could have been healing, moving on, and perhaps even enjoying life with some other special person at this point had we not wasted so much time. It reminds me that while trying to save your marriage is a worthy goal, it is only insofar as there is an opportunity to do so. However, at some point it stops being a goal and starts being a delusion.

I relate to your pain & desire for reconciliation "now"...

I can't find where I said this so perhaps you are confusing me with someone else. I am neither in pain over the WAW/M nor do I desire "reconciliation 'now'". On the contrary, I'm not convinced reconciliation is even possible and the longer things go, the less I'm inclined to believe that it is. My only interest right now is to determine if she can make even the smallest step forward.

She stopped pursuing the D some time back (which is a fine thing in and of itself), but that is simply stopping the downward spiral. While that has its place, we are now two months later and there has not been any movement at all so far as I can tell. There needs to be the tiniest upward movement at some point. Even Michele states that if what you are doing is not producing results, change tactics. What I have been doing has given me a life and has got her to this point...and that's good. However, it is clear that it is not moving us forward.

Oh, and by the way, I am not offended. Nice thoughts.

Stop trying to control this.

I am not trying to control her or the situation. I have had so little control of my life over the last seven months that I barely know what it is anymore. However, there is a clock ticking somewhere that, when the alarm rings, will mean that it's over (for me). What triggers that alarm is unknown and when it will go off is also unknown. As such, I consider it fair and reasonable to point out to her that it is ticking.

I have not asked her to reconcile. I have not begged her to come back or even invited her back. I have not asked nor have I expected her to move back in. I am telling her (and this is a truthful statement) that she has an opportunity to take a step back from the brink, and that, while she is under no obligation to do so, if she chooses not to, one day we will find ourselves in a situation where the option is no longer available. I believe that to be a fair and accurate statement and one that is neither unreasonable nor irresponsible.

If you want to start quoting my posts, please be sure to include those where I state that while I think it is important for one to fight the good fight (as it were) as long as they can, once a reasonable amount of time has passed and no further progress can be seen, it is acceptable to let it go.

Please, listen to your own words. You don't know what she's thinking.

You are quite right, I do not know what she is thinking. However, I didn't claim to. I am speaking of her actions...not her feelings. The Good Book says that by their fruits ye shall know them. You will not see me make statements such as "She never wants to come back", "She hates me", "She thinks it's over", or anything of the like. I don't know what she's thinking. But I do know what she is doing and how I feel.

But there's no reason to just write the M off because W and God can't meet your time schedule.

Well, I don't believe I am, but it poses an interesting question. How long is long enough? It is a question many here have asked and my answer has always been "as long as you can stand it". Perhaps you have a better answer. If so, I hope you share it. If not, how do you know I have not reached that point?

If that answer is insufficient, then when?
- After one year (or two, or three, or four?)
- Once the D is final
- A year after the D is final
- When the WAS remarries
- Never

...unless you somehow think that you can not move forward without searching for a new companion.

Not at all. I have moved forward (and in many respects moved on). I am not searching for new companion nor do I have any immediate plans to do so.

Don't force the D forward. You don't need to. Don't try to control it. Let it "whither on the vine" or let W take the action.

Well, that's not entirely true. As has been pointed out in the MLC section of this community, the MLCer (which I think my WAW at least partially falls into) often blames the LBS for the D. In my case, my WAW filed. However, should it "wither on the vine" as you put it and she fumbles around trying to get her life straight for the next four years, I'm in the position of either having to wait around until she decides to re-file or I'll have to file myself. I can't say as I care much for either alternative.

ANewMe:
Quite right. Thanks.