Emily, I adore you for laughing at my meanish question. A big HAHAHA was the first thing that came to mind when I read it. It truly is laughable for me to even THINK about a relationship right now. I have guy friends, and I'll admit I've been out to a movie (I certainly wouldn't call it a date... if you can call seeing who can make the biggest spitwad without damaging any of the important writting on the ticket, than yes it was... but I certainly don't call it that). I am not in the least interested in anything. I am actually really enjoying being single, thinking my thoughts, and having my OWN TIME!!! I have read all that you have posted for quite awhile. I WORRIED for you and the girlies. {I really wanted to volunteer to hold Kevin down while he was neutered... I felt terrible when you were suffering about him.} I still think he should probably be neutered... hahah... but the girls and I are in a MUCH better place...
I think you are great. I am certain that you will live up to your good intellect.
I think you should write. Get started... you are very creative. Thank you... maybe some boredom filled night, I may just try this....
I am so sick of this well I guess I can still other her OW, trying to sneak into my personal life and find out what's going on. Every few weeks, I get a random friend request... that just seems to add up to Cassie. It's so desperate and strange, and I'm fed with being suspicious of EVERY little thing. I do feel almost bad that she feels this almost compulsive need to spy on me to try and track Kevin.....
I don't really think there's good advice for this ... I just wanted to vent that out here....
So out of the blue after two months of no contact... Kevin calls me today. I talked to him... I stayed away from bothersome topics, I kept my answers to the point... and I honestly did not once say ILY. (This was for my sanity, I refuse to fall prey to his game once again.)
He says that he loves me, and no matter what I do he is going to try to win me back, he's willing to do "whatever it takes."
I told him I didn't think that was something I wanted, but that I would talk to him for awhile and see how a friendship works between us.
I am so unsure... do I cut the ties now? Or do I enter slowly cautiously into this outreach ...and see what happens? I honestly need some opinions here... I come now willing to listen.... willing to do WHATEVER it takes.... I just don't know if DBing is the right thing anymore...
He says that he loves me, and no matter what I do he is going to try to win me back, he's willing to do "whatever it takes."
Just keep repeating to yourself "actions not words"
What ACTIONS is he doing???? A guy who was SINCERE in that desire would be: - seeing a psych for that eval he was supposed to have - working some menial job in the meantime until something better came along, so he can help support his babies. - getting clean from whatever drugs he's been taking - doing whatever it takes to get back into his old job or a similar new job that pays a decent wage
This guy has BSed you with his words all along, while his actions have not matched up. Don't hold your breath waiting for him to change. Maybe he will - if so, he will prove himself as above by his ACTIONS. Don't put any stock in his words.
Just keep repeating to yourself "actions not words"
What ACTIONS is he doing???? A guy who was SINCERE in that desire would be: - seeing a psych for that eval he was supposed to have - working some menial job in the meantime until something better came along, so he can help support his babies. - getting clean from whatever drugs he's been taking - doing whatever it takes to get back into his old job or a similar new job that pays a decent wage He actually started a new job with JB Hunt which actually pays more than Schneider. It's still truckdriving. Which means in order to get in the door he had to take a drug test (CDL drivers have to submit to them... as they aren't allowed to do any drugs as long as they are working for a company... as in not even on their days off (which is GOOD for him))
This guy has BSed you with his words all along agreed , while his actions have not matched up. Don't hold your breath waiting for him to change Once again totally agreed . Maybe he will - if so, he will prove himself as above by his ACTIONS. Don't put any stock in his words. I am unsure at this point, what actions I should be looking for. I mean sure the job is a step... sure getting that money is a step.... but that job also comes with A LOT of freetime.
I think trying to fix this marriage may be more of a hassel than it's worth.
OW has herself entwined with his family, she is living in New Mexico with them. H is in Texas for training with JB Hunt. He "told" (ACTIONS NOT WORD YES YES I KNOW) me that he gave them his grandmother address (she lives right across town) so that he could be routed directly here on his days off. He "said" (see above) that while I didn't have to let him in my house I couldn't stop him from coming to town... I just don't know... Too many lies.
Could this be too little too late? I enjoyed chatting with him... but my heart isn't into resurecting this marriage (and quite frankly I don't know if it should be. I felt like I was on the right path before) I am going to stand still, keep my heart out of it, and watch what unfolds.
I want to just be still and watch to see if he will really live up to his word. BUT.. at the same time, I want to shut this chapter of my life and keep moving on.... I finally found my peace, and I do not intend to go spiraling again. I am at a crossroads... I need to pray. Pray for me... I just want guidance.
