KTF
First off let me say I am very sorry for you stich, but I can relate to what you are going through.
Let me see if I can answer some of your questions

Quote:
My question to you is- how exactly did you treat your XW since she left you? Have you always been kind and treated her with respect inspite of her walking away from your M??


My exW was a very bitter person full of a lot of anger toward me from about 10/03- 7/05. She filed for D in 10/04 and it was fina; 12/05. We lived in seperate bedrooms until 8/05 when I could not do it anymore and keep my sanity.

When I realized that she was being an irrational person and you can not rationalize w/ such a person I felt much better.

I treated her like I would treat a very good friend, like a business partner. She would only speak with me if it had to do with our D10 or to chew me out about something she thought I was doing wrong. I would not lose my cool, I listened, validated and tried to keep the conversations short. If she called for a favor, and yes this is when they are sweet as pie, I did it if it was resonable and I had the time. When it came to holidays or her b/day I always thought about D10 and how would she like to see us interact.
Example, this past X-mas I had D10 X-mas eve into X-mas AM. Now this will probably the last year she believes in Santa and I thought of how much she would like to see both Mom and Dad their in AM. I also know how much it would mean to my exW if she could the look on her face for maybe the last time.
I extended an invite to the exW to come over in the AM and she was very taken back but accepted. Now she would never have done this for me, but you need to take the high road, love uncondtionally. These are the actions that the MLCer notices and ultimately makes you shine as a better person.
Plus I did this for myself as well, it made me feel good to know I am not the type of person that she is.

After the D I bought a boat, new truck, all new furniture and all of this would tick her off. She would always make comments about how this is her money I am using, trying to engage me in a arguement. DO NOT follow their lead, ignore the banter and stay focused.

My exW now say she notices all of the changes I have made, how great of a father I am. The fog does lift and will notice the new you but don't expect them to admit it.

Your H is still in that fog, we all now that a R that starts as an A will never last.

Quote:
I have learned so much about R's and how to maintain and sustain them. If my H would only come home he would see that our M would be different. I wish he would believe in us again.


I think we all beleive this, WE do know that we have made changes, and like I said above they do know as well but WE can not change their behaviors.
I tried to convince my exW all the time that we could be much better. Wouldn't work they got to figure out this on their own.

Keep your chin up, your changes will make YOU a better person in the long run.

I applaud you in taking a stand for your M, my prayers are with you.