NEW THREAD FOR 2940 --- HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[25yearsmlc]

Ladies, (and Gentlemen?)

Gosh this is a good thread in so many ways. Like many of you, the house/yard work overwhelm me and I can only hire help rarely b/c H is delusional about what it would take to get the yard looking decent, or at least not the eyesore of the neighborhood. Some weird bug killed all 8 birch trees (birch beetle, to be exact and it was gross and freaked me out about eating the siding of the house, etc etc) and there is so much ivy and a hill, so I have A LOT of wood and yard crap to deal with and really these are small everyday life events. Our cars break down, the lamp breaks, etc. IF we can't cope with these things, we really are depressed. And some times I know I am. Of course I was NEVER a good housecleaner...

But here is the only point I have time to make right now. Last pregnancy I had, I got sick towards the end, and herniated a disk, so I was in a lot of pain, plus fat, plus moving from Texas to Alaska, which also meant leaving my job to be a sahm for the first time ever, etc.

One night in the 8th month or so, I was feeling very alone, as s3 was sleeping and H was on call working. I lay in bed looking out at the moon, which was full. I suddenly realized that somewhere out there others were also looking at the night sky, and surely another woman was seeing the moon. Surely some of those women were pregnant. And sad, or angry, or afraid. But unlike me, many of the women looking at that moon that night, were not lying in beds with mattressess, or debating whether to have an epidural, nor were they worried about a coming election. Some of those women were looking for shelter, even the primitive kind. Many were probably hungry. Some of them were hiding from dangerous people. Wondering if their H's would ever return, and if so, whether they'd still be healthy or even alive...

When you TRULY see yourself from the eyes of the rest of the world, it can help in a profound way. Don't think of it as a cliche, because that devalues it, and since it is a truth, think about it. Right now there are women who cannot vote in their country, or cannot drive a car even if the family owned one, women who cannot leave their homes without a male chaperone, women who have hidden from warring factions in their country, and literally having siblings who were hacked to death, (see Rwonda, Darfur, etc). I am healthy and free and despite some financial pressures I feel with my d18's college + s21's last year (should have planned better on the timing of the kids, but who the hell plans that well??) my financial concerns are, in the grand scheme of things, a joke. There is food in my refrigerator and there will be food next week as well. I put myself through college and law school as did all my 8 siblings. Not bragging, just saying it is achievable. If I had to, I'd get a degree online, no matter how long it took. When I was in the Army JAG Corps (the lawyer's branch and yes, I joined b/c H owed them service for his medical school) I served during the first Gulf War. I met women amputees, including some who had their hands cut off due to something a male relative (H's / father/brother) had done "wrong"....it was an experience that was pivotal for me.

SO, with all these factors in mind, I realize I am better off in nearly ALL ways, than 99% of the women on this planet...food, shelter, health, no one shooting at my family. It makes the pain of a troubled marriage pale in comparison to the "real world's problems."

The night of the "Full moon while pregnant" really was an epiphany for me. Cliche or not, remember that when you wonder how to say something to your confused and smothered H, or you parse his responses endlessly, and try to just back off and relax. Take a deep breath and be satisfied, for the moment. You DO have a life and you can and will be happy again, if you choose to be. It can happen regardless of your H's choices...
j-