Need another opinion, is my W OM, friend or more?

[andyv]

I let the W sleep in yesterday morning, after her night out. And went out to catch up with friends around noon. I got back at around 7 pm, and W was out with D.

She got home at around 9.15, and sat up with me watching TV (although she was tired) until around 10:30 pm (normally she would just go to bed and talk to her OM/EA.

It was a nice change to sit in the same room and have some conversation (regarding the show, nothing else).

I still feel so concerenced that this EA will turn into something more serious. Her sister tells me that she does not have it in her to start something sexual.

I have been her only partner (since we met young and have been together for 17 years). And I know, although she looks amazing, she still is self conscious of her body (after effects of childbirth eg stretch lines etc).

And her cousin who has always been honest to me, has said that whatever her intentions with this OM, he is not interested in starting something with someone 10 years his senior (he is 27). Although he is a wonderful and sensitive person, he has many female friends that confide in him. She thinks he actually might be gay, as when they do go out, he is never interested in meeting women.

After confiding in me about a week ago about this OM, and that she finds him attractive and is not ruling out a possibility of a relationship, she is seeing him more and talking to him more now, because I have accepted it and told her that I will not ask her about him again, and thanking her for her honesty. Four months ago, if she told me I would have gone mental, but after reading various books and speaking to a counsellor at work I find that I do not get angry as I used to.


Was that the right thing to do??????? Considering she sees more of him socially now than before?

I think the steps are working, I just hope the 180 part of it does'nt make my W think that I have given up. The main reason for the OM and the separation (with D day in 6 months) was that between Oct to Feb, I was not there emotionally for her due to work committments, death of BIL (my sisters husband) and stress/depression from a heavy workload/travel for work.

We argued in Dec when I went away for a week, and I didn't call her for the whole week out of anger. She told me she was devastated and she cried every day, thinking that I was having an affair. She thought that I did not find her sexually attractive, or attractive due to no instigating sex since Oct. She told me that she has been a single mother for most of our married life due to not beeing there (which is not true, she only brings up certain events that I could not attend etc).

I have conceded that I was at fault and told her that back in Feb/March, and did all the wrong things trying to win her back. She has threatended to walk out and take D when I have confronted her about her late nights and OM. This was through Feb-mid March. She told me that she cares for me but she is not in love with me. She does not want to start a relationship with me or anyone else, she just wants her freedom. She told me that she does not find anything attractive or appealing about me anymore.

The last 17 years she could not keep her hands off me, writing beautiful cards stating how lucky she was, how in love she was. Getting jealous when cashiers would flirt with me whilst shopping, when her friends would engage in longer than normal conversations when we were at party's etc etc.

How could this all change in 5 months? Can it be reversed?

Since end March, after employing the DB and DR techniques, things are more pleasant between us, however I still think she doesn't really care about my movements (doing the 180), and she is still very happy with her own lifestyle with her OM and new friends, activities etc (kick boxing (OM was her instructor), rock climbing. All her friends are in their 20's and enjoy going out (she is 36, but looks in her 20's).

Does anyone else have a similar story, with a good outcome. It would be nice to hear.

Thanks