Hello all.. I am doing well for the most part. My H continues to work out of state and we continue to talk on the phone. He is being nice and yet he seems stressed with himself..... He also make no sense when he says what he said that day. Sure let me know my "imperfections" but look in the mirror too. He also said that day which I sort of felt underneath the surface anyway, which I hear in the back of my head daily : Why do you think I do not like to stay at home havent you noticed this,,, and I dunno what is happening to our Family. B/C my D9 was sassy.. she really has always had a "personality" like this and I personaly have been trying to work on this and for him to say it is no big deal to me or punish me by not being home is beyond me. And he is always forgetting he is not only hurting me by saying this but he is hurting himself and also very much losing valuable time with the kids... he also told me he hopes I do not ever say to him that he was not ever home enough to help and that I never throw this in his face... WOW! He has also said in the past when I have asked him for parental support that he has enough stress with work he doesnt have time for this and is he the only adult here why should I have to ask him for advice re: the kids. After I asked him years ago to please tell the kids to go to bed. My kids were 5,6 and 7 at the time and I wanted them to see that we were a united front, they knew dad was there but not really there...
Well I have come to realize that I am pretty much a single mother so to speak and even though I have his support at the same time I really do not,, I have also started to really discipline my kids more. I do see his point in certain ways but he could have said it in a nicer way. He says he wants me to be stronger,, well wish granted and not just in regards to my kids either.
I am actually still very hurt by this conversation that we had. I also realize that I need to work on me more,, his actions and calling me frequently demonstrates his love for me but he seems to wave himself in my face so to speak and that hurts. I do not love him like that I love him plain and simple. My love for him is unconditional and it would be unrealistic of me to expect him to love me exactly the same way but when that day comes I will get down on my knees and praise GOD~ I watched the movie Kingdom of heaven the other day and it made me cry and I loved it. I am realizing so much lately and realizing even more that I am valuable and worthwhile in so many ways.
