Good luck, and btw, my sister (the one who die NOT handle the divorce well) has not admitted to me or our other sisters, insight into her role in the demise of her first marriage. Maybe she has some and they make her ashamed, she did gain a lot of weight. But my point is, b/c she was so afraid to really do the soul searching needed to see her role in the divorce, she continues the same behaviors. It's different now b/c her 2nd H is so sick. (her H#2 has a Brain tumor--which confirms to my sister how the universe is against her, but I digress)) But the point remains, many of the same behaviors she exhibited in her first M, she is repeating now. So I guess what I'm saying is if you really don't see how you contributed to at least SOME of what's going on, then your sitch is probably hopeless. I mean, if you were perfect, there is nothing you can do or change...Hey, the reality is the only thing you DO have control over, is you. It helps if you see those things b/c you can work on them, and you'll be a better woman no matter what happens. good luck, j-
This is very very very true. I have spent the last two days digesting all the things I have read in books, posts and online resources. I am thinking about the diferences between men and women, and I have thought A LOT about my contribution to my marriage. I am being honest with myself. The two fights I had this week with my husband are my fault. I kept pushing and questioning him until he said some mean things. He knows that if says something really mean I will back off, He is right I did.
When my husband told me months ago he was tired of me and needed a break, I should have left him alone right then, but no, I gave him a few days then bothered him again, gave a few days irritated him some more, instead of just giving him his space and waiting for him to come to me.
I let the little paranoid voice inside of me tell me what to think instead of listening to the divine inner voice. The paranoid voice kept telling the divine inner voice to shut up. Now I am finally finding the strength the shut up and hopefully kill off that paranoid voice.
I finally understand that when you really really love someone you do not try to change them. My husband has always been a man who likes to spend time with fellow male friends. Sometimes they get carried away. It never bothered me when we were close and all into eachother. It gave me the space I needed and when we were together again it was magical. Now that we are not as close it bothers me and causes unneeded stress even though it is what he has always done. I need to let him be himself. He has given up a lot over the years, but I have been to selfish and have had pitty parties for myself that I never realized the sacrifices he made.
That little girl that Walkingback mentioned is the little girl who needs to grow up within me as well. I need to stop acting immature and grow up. This whole time my H has been telling me he needs space. I listened for a second then went right back and did what I always do. He knew I would do it too. I did not give his feelings the respect they deserved. He has told me for years sometimes I need to just be left alone. Now I think he just got fed up and with all the other stress in his life and past feeling resurfacing he is tired of me. I hope that now that I have been awakened that its not too late.
