My Heart's Journey into the Unknown

[Holly06]

Nicola,

Been reading around and your name kept popping up. I think you are looking for a life line to hold on to. Let me see if I can help.
I come to you while looking at a Divorce too. Do not know if this is going to happen. At least it will not happen tomorrow.
I do have a hearing at 1:30 pm. I am sharing this so you know from where I come from.

TJ may or may not go through with this Divorce. He seems to want one, and goes about with OW in front of his family. They see right through it. No honor or respect there.

His new life, running away, OW, all the stuff, is his "drug", ok? He is self medicating his pain, his avoidance of blaming himself. He keeps realizing he is not happy, and has to keep upping the drug adiction, Now he thinks that a D will give him some self respect. So he is happy with the prospect of this. Of course he is happy. He has found an outside reason for his unhappiness and falsely believes that this will be the final relief for his pain. It will not be. It may help for awhile, but until he faces the pain, and goes through it, he will continue to be unhappy.
You see, it is the nature of men to solve problems. They change external things, forces, situations to bring about the desired effect. He has to blame you, or it will be his fault, and this will challenge his masculinity, his ego. He can not do it until his addictions fail him. When they fail him, and he finally looks in the mirror, he will begin to see his life in shambles, and then go through his own form of heck.
Right now he seems happy. He sees relief in sight. He thinks he has confirmation that he has been right all along. He will be happier and so will you. He will be for a while. Then disaster should find him.
Your giving into him with the divorce. OK. THis is what you need to do for you. I so respect that. You will find your happiness and peace.
Keep the door open ever so slightly. You never know what will appear.

I have chosen to be TJ's friend. He needs to feel safe with someone, and I am filling that need. It feels good to me. We have such history, and it is not in my makeup to desert him, especially with his Dad's terminal illness.
He is showing signs of stress according to his sister. He is going to need more of his drug. She will fail him at some point. Let's see if the D process holds out long enough.
So far, TJ filed in June. No movement towards the divorce. He has produced only a few documents, and no settlement offers. This is dragging on, and he is creeping closer to me. His choice, his movement. His needs.
He feels safe with me. He is changing up his contacts with person stuff, mostly appriciations. That is good for both of us.

Now how can we help you through the next few days, weeks? How can I hold your hand?