I'm not sure Cemar is getting this but maybe some others will. I know people had issues with what I said before about how Cemars wife may "bring herself to have sex with him" and then feel resentful about it, but what you are talking about now is exactly what I meant.
Many women are raised to believe that men who want sex with them regardless of the fact that there is no "intimacy" (or emotional connection) beforehand are only using them and if they succumb to this it is something to be ashamed of. So....why would, or should, that change just because you are married to the guy? It is not about a wife refusing to have sex with her hubby (at least not always). It is about the struggle going on in the woman's mind about whether she is supposed to give up her self-esteem, self-respect and the standards she grew up with...give up her Self... in order to make her husband happy. And men like Cemar expect her to do it with no effort on his part to build that EC first. That is a very difficult place to be. It builds major resentment.
Not really sure what the answer is to this kind of standoff but I don't think it is that the woman gives up on her values. I think a lot of guys don't understand that a woman is told that it is MORALLY wrong to have sex without "meaning" and EC. That's the difference between good girls and slutty girls. There needs to be major trust and a woman needs to know she is respected in all aspects of the marriage and then she may feel able to be more open or "free" with the sexual aspect of the marriage. At least that's how it worked for me.
The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
--Marcel Proust
