Well, like you I am not much on house cleaning and never have been but I do much better when I feel better....I have never had the body of Elle McPherson and not so sure that is what I want but I would like to be more fit and to that end I have been really working on that for the past several years...due to work accidents I have had a few set backs but I have now joined Jazzersize and it is auto deducted from my account....since I am a real bargain person there is no way I am going to let that money stream out without me getting my money's worth from it!!!...so to that end I am off of my but and have recently discovered (painfully so) that I do have inner-thighs!!!!...When I feel good my friendships are good...when I feel good my socializing is really good...
What I think is instead of an inner-child sabotaging my efforts for me it is usually DEPRESSION....I think that is why PMA is so very important...it is more motivating to me personally when I feel good because then I can honestly evaluate the situation...my mother could always tell when I was feeling down because my house would reflect it...I was doing good...then H came home and that stress led me down the path of not feeling so good about me and worrying more about him....now my house is a mess and I am more depressed and H is being butt-head...I hope that by pushing myself to Jazzersize I will begin to pull myself up...there are great financial stresses for me....H claim/has health issues....I also see him slipping into his sick depression again and have a plan to put a stop to it...this time I am much stronger and will not be taken down with the ship...
V and everyone else...we do have the power in us...if we look honestly...
And Tam...I will point out what was a control tactic you used last night...you probably didn't see it or you might have even convinced yourself that it was the "right" thing to do...when you called H to give him directions that was a round about way of finding out...ASKING....yet AGAIN if he was going to the party...now can you see how you like to control things???...Then you added in your posting how you miss him....you miss the socializing away from business with him....this is where you are creating in yourself a "NEED" for him....I want you to think about what you "miss"...because you may find out it is NOT WHAT YOU HAVE EVEN IF HE SPENDS TIME WITH YOU!!!...and then you keep bringing up his racing, how he hasn't called, how his mom hasn't called...I am going to predict that before the day is done you will call one of them or create a "need" to call H about business...this is how you control...you may not always be an agressive controler...but passively you can control and you DO...in business this can be a good thing...in a R/M it usually spells disaster...no one wants to feel like the minute another states their idea/feeling/plan that you no longer have a voice...oh sure, you let him talk...and you may not even get forceful...but you can question and question....reword and reword...until he just figures in his mind "Ok, you win, I agree."....and then you are happy and he is miserable...now in business with others this works really good for advancing the business...I know...I could do great things in business while using that same stratedgy at home ended me up with a very broken marriage and me oblivious to the whole mess until H had an OW and walked out the door in the middle of the night...not even wanting to face his children with his decision...not wanting to face anyone because "I (that's me) would be right" no one had seen anything but a happy couple, a doting wife, a loving husband, and three really well adjusted happy kids!!!...He must be crazy!!!...well in many ways he was/is...but I contributed in part to driving him there...and it is upto me to make changes that will improve me...thus improving the R/M and hopefully this will bring him back to sanity!!!
None of us are perfect....but Tam...I have never seen anyone who continues to do what doesn't work...oh sure, you get the hug, you hear what want him to say (sometimes)...but ALL of this is TEMPORARY and will not bring to being the happy person you want to be...that will not happen until you STOP the control issues, STOP the neediness, take possession of yourself, ACCEPT and ACKNOWLEDGE your part in all of this...it might not be anymore then what you have stated above....it could be as simple as that...so instead of continuing to "learn" more about what you need to do....just start focusing on what you KNOW you need to do and maybe that is it...or maybe you find out the rest later when you can handle it...when you are READY to work on them!!!
