I called H on the way to the party tonight and gave him the address and directions in case he ended up coming. Then he called me back to ask me a business question. Then he called me again when I got to the party and asked me about the new property he talked to me about yesterday again. He was going to call the owner again and wanted to get my input first. We talked for probably 15 minutes about it. I just kept up my side of the conversation as if nothing has changed for now. We'll see if anything comes of it. He said he'd talk to me later when we got off the phone. Then he did not show up at the party. It was for the best, I know, and I had a really great time. At the same time, I would be lying if I said I hadn't wished he would be there. I know it wouldn't have been a good thing for him to be. I just miss him; that's all. I miss spending casual time with him rather than just the business stuff all the time. Anyway, like I said, I still had a nice time. It was great to see my friends and just hang out.
25, you're right about it being important for me to see my role in what happened/is happening in our M. I do see some things, but just not all of them yet I guess. I certainly am by no means saying I am perfect. I talked about how I know our romance/sex life was paltry and that I know I have gotten a bit more conservative since we first met. Those are the two biggies that H has told me. And what Lin said about controlling our conversations and always needing to be right makes sense to me, too. I know I need to work on my communication skills. It's just hard, because we communicate just fine regarding business issues, but as soon as it turns to anything personal, H just shuts down completely... I am the same person, whether it's business or personal, and I don't feel like I "shift gears" and talk/act differently whether it's business or personal, but for some reason whatever I say and do just doesn't work for us to discuss personal matters. I know that is a big one for H for me to work on. He needs to work on it, too. Besides those main issues, I honestly am still doing some soul searching to learn what else I am supposed to be learning from all of this. It's not that I feel like I'm perfect; I know I'm far from that. I just am having some difficulties with seeing all that I am to be learning right now. AND I'm eager to just get on with this, so that's making it even more frustrating. Until I truly see for myself what all I need to work on, I can't really work on it...
Well, must get some rest before tomorrow. It is going to be a hard day. The nice thing is that I know H will be racing so I won't have to worry about him popping in at the office hopefully. He didn't say anything to me today about racing tomorrow, and his mom didn't call me yet either. I have a feeling she still may call tomorrow. I have a rough few days ahead of me, and I will make it.
I will just play it by ear as far as the conversation with H about the move. Who knows, he may not even ask me about it at all! I have an idea of what to say, so we'll just see what comes out of my mouth when the time comes and what feels right. I just hope I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not pushing him away from me in a bad way...
