In my last response to Chrome I did say that my H came from an abusive home and I think that's why I have so patient because I've always wanted him to know something different from what he came from and I took on the task of loving him unconditionally. I do agree that that kind of a past is probably the root of the problem but I can't seem to get through to him. Sometimes I feel like he's hiding things from me and that wall that he's got up for his protection seems too strong for me. I know God can get through but I don't know why it's not happening. I've been praying for years. I'm just tired and sometimes I think this is where God wants me to be because I have overcome a lot of things like fear of my H, of bringing this out in the open, of facing the fact that this situation has to change and it has brought out issues just in the last couple of days for me that I hadn't realized about myself till now. I have realized that in my childhood, though I have no complaints It was Great!, (I am one of 7 children) I felt like I was always competing for attention and to this day wanting my mother's approval of me, which has transferred(because of SSM)to my R with my H. seeking his approval and not feeling like I ever get it. I am learning to value myself and not what others views of me are. I feel so much stronger and confident. I guess we all have stuff from our childhood that affect us as adults but we have to face those obstacles and find the way to overcome. Now all I have to do is figure out how to get my H to do the same.
