I'm hanging in there. I realized today that my last day was Friday the 13th. I got a small chuckle out of that (best I could muster under the circumstances). It's not much, but right now I'll take any humor I can get.
Preparing myself for the job search, unemployment, head-hunters, etc. that I'll be dealing with Monday.
Talked with my WAW for the first time about having to unload some investments. For those familiar with DBing, please note that the following exchange is not necessarily recommended if you are DBing nor does it follow DB guidelines. However, I am departing from DBing and beginning to transition to a new life.
I gave my WAW one month for each year we were married and I am now approaching that mark. I have done what I set out to do and sleep well knowing I have reached my goals. I have told her that I am fast approching the place where I will no longer be willing to entertain a friendship, marriage, or anything else with her, that I can appreciate that we may not be suitable for each other, and that if she feels certain that this is case, then I wish to conclude the D as quickly as possible.
I have also said that if she is not certain, I am willing to engage in a few very frank discussions as to her desires and expectations in order to determine our compatibility as a basis for determining whether to proceed with the D or not. I also pointed out that a failure to choose on her part will result in the choice being made by me, my job situation, and/or the fates.
I do not expect a favorable response and I am no longer certain that I care (in fact, on the contrary, I very much doubt that I do). However, I want her to bury this herself so that she cannot come back (as is so often the case for the MLCer) and say that our breakup was my fault. I want it to be her decision.
Even a few minutes on the phone makes it so painfully clear that she remains nearly as self-absorbed, narcissistic, and selfish as ever and that precious little progress has been made in the last several months. This glacial pace of development suggests that I would be a fool to believe any useful progress could be achieved in any kind of timeframe that would be of any value to me/us.
She did, for the first time I believe, say "You didn't deserve what I did to you" (re: the PA). This is a good development, but not much to show for over three months of counseling. It is so sad, but there is nothing I can do and I have grown convinced that nothing will help her other than time...more time than I am willing to give.
