Thanks, Lin. I understand and respect your views and, yes, you are right in that I do not want to cut the business off unless there is some sort of finality to things with us. My thoughts are that my point would be simply to state to him that I am not comfortable with the way things are to continue to buy more properties with him. I feel that by doing so, he's getting everything he wants, me continuing the business with him and the OW on the side. Obviously that is very hurtful to me. It's just really hard for me to continue to make him happy in the business when he is hurting me so much in the R/M. I don't know if that makes any sense or not; it's just the way I feel. There is no immediate proposition on the table at this point, so this isn't something that I need to deal with right now, but it's just something going through my mind. And I don't know, but it may cause him to wake up if he thought the business was not going to be the two of us any longer. We are excellent business partners and are fortunate to be a great team in that respect. I do NOT want to do this to manipulate him; I just don't want to feel used or like I'm okay with all of this. It's really hard to have to keep dealing with him on the business every day when my heart is breaking. I feel like that for me to just continue to do so with no end in sight is enabling him to continue on exactly like things are going...
As far as going to activities, family functions, etc. with him, you're absolutely right. However, if I do not go, he would simply say that I'm working (he told his family at Easter that I might have to work in case I didn't go), and no one would think a thing about it since both of us are such workaholics. I would bet anything that he would NEVER say anything close to what is going on as an excuse, unless we had actually finalized something. I say this just from knowing him. I DO wonder whether being around family actually HELPS our cause, simply because our families mean the world to both of us, and I know it hurts him to think about hurting our families as well through all of this. I guess that's the way I kind of felt at Easter, that to be around his family might actually open his eyes to how important family is... I don't know.
Thanks for your comments about the control issues. What you said makes sense, and I will think about that when I engage in conversations with him about ANYTHING, to try to listen to what I am saying and how I come across. I remember that H has told me on many occasions that I'm always going to "win" the argument, so why should he fight it? This would lend towards what you are saying. I'm not sure yet how to change that, but I will think about it and work on it. Thank you.
Well, things went okay when I saw H today at the job site. I finished my plants, and he was very pleasant to me. He said he'd let me know later whether he was going to the party tonight. I'm still going no matter what. Don't know if he'll go or not. When I was walking to my car to leave the job site, he was walking next to me to walk to the store next door, and he put his arm around me to hug me as we were walking (NOT provoked by me at all). I did not talk about any R/M issues with him today, did not ask for a hug, just kept it strictly business. He seemed a little more chatty today than normal, which was nice, even though it was just about the business.
Well, gotta run again so that I can get a few things done before I get ready for the party tonight. I have to work really hard tomorrow, as I've had a hard time focusing today - am nervous about the move and whatnot. Tomorrow I have lots of work to get done, and then I have to pack everything up for Monday. H usually comes in to the office first thing in the morning before going to the job site, so there is a risk that he might see the boxes and whatnot on Monday morning since I'm going to pack them tomorrow. If he does, he does. I'll just have to deal with it.
I would appreciate any insights you guys have as to what I should say to him about the move considering the current situation. As I mentioned, I want to sound empowered, but I don't want to be mean. Jody said that I could say something about all of the work that I need to concentrate on right now and that it would be good for me to be home to do that. She also said I could say something about it getting uncomfortable with our two overlapping R's, the M and the business, and that me going home to work would give us both some space and hopefully ease some stress for both of us. And I know Lin suggested that I say that I'm moving home to work and that I'll get everything done just the same and will be able to work there regardless of whether we stay in business together or not. Again, my goal is not by any means to make this a permanent move, as I really despise working out of the house, which is why we even got an office in the first place. But for now I hope the rewards will far outweigh the negatives.
Okay, gotta go. Thanks again for everything, guys.
