Don't know about the business yet. I feel like by continuing as we are and pretending that nothing has changed that I am enabling him to continue his behaviors.
Okay, explain to me what behaviors you are enabling him to continue....as I see it the business financially benefits you both....do you honestly think if you pulled out of the business (before any final decision has been made about M/R) that it would cause him to act differently???....you are enabling him to make money for you both...
I can understand IF there is ever a finality to your relationship that you would want to separate things but for now I think you have a good thing with the income by the sound of it....you need a job/income and to start out totally on your own with your emotional state as it is might lead to some major financial woes for you down the road...also cutting that off is more likely to make H look at you like an incomplete part of his "life"...
I think what enables him more then anything in his "behavior" is you going to parties, dinner, vacation, families or whatever with him and acting like you two are together!!!...He doesn't have to explain anything, no one has to know there is a problem, this allows him to appear as genuine as gold...if I were you(and I clearly know that I am not)...to make things a bit more real to him I would stop the social activities and family activities with him...this, more then anything would cause him to face the music...my opinion
Also, another thing about the business...if you cut and run on it he might just use that to explain to everyone why he got OW...you went nuts on him, divided the business, etc...
Where with the not going to activities with him...what can he say but something closer to the truth...and even if he lies you are still in business with him and it will be harder for him to convince others that the problem is you...
As for the insight into your control issues...1210 pointed out much better then I did the subtle ways you can take control in a marriage without realizing it...I know I always thought my H and I "talked" about things...H's perception was that I stated what I wanted and he felt if he didn't go along with it that there would be HELL to pay....or I would keep harping on him...now am I saying these are REASONS to go and have an affair???...NO!!!! but they are CAUSES for another person to become unhappy...it just so happens that some when unhappy will look to an OP to satisfy that need for them....others might act out...others might overeat/undereat....others might work more/less...so you see how just thinking that we are fine got us where we are???... really does anyone EVER leave the PERFECT spouse behind???
