CL, I can see from following your thread(s) for a while that you have made much effort -in thought and deed- during this time and your W has not, for a long time.
I continue to be amazed at your ability to pull a positive outlook from what looks just flat-out disrespectful and mean on her part. Not that you are Wrong. You are Strong. And, as we always say here, only YOU can decide when you have reached the end of being treated poorly.
Were I in your shoes, my flailing emotions would have changed the locks already. I do think you need more boundaries in place that demand respect, but I honestly don't know what you can do with a, really at the core, disrespectful W. Disrepectful to you, to your M, and ultimately herself.
You have to be prepared for her to disrespect and not comply with any boundary you want to enforce (i.e. sleeping in your HOUSE, for God's sake, not elsewhere). Again, this goes for any Ultimatum you decide to set forth as well. Be sure you are fully prepared for her to call you on it, and for you to have to Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is. I imagine that is why you have waited and persevered so long, in the face of so little progress and so much limbo. Only YOU can decide when you are ready to draw the line in the sand of Come With Me, or Don't.
Hope this makes sense. I imagine you know all of this anyway, just wanted to show some support for you. Your W infuriates me (as do most WAS) and I am biased toward all of us getting what we deserve in a committed M. So I tend to get a little uppity and irritated.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
