My head-strong ways and impatience and hurt just get the best of me sometimes, more often than it sounds like they got the best of you in your journey. I am where I'm at now for a reason, a reason I do not yet fully understand, a reason I need to keep searching for in order to heal and get through this and save my M and myself. These backslides I do are not healthy; I realize that. However, they must be part of this journey I am taking that will eventually hopefully make me stronger and help me to "see" what it is I am learning through all of this. I was hurt when I read your post that you would detach from me if I do not move my office, and that made me determined to do it just for that reason. But then I regrouped and realized that if I don't do this for ME and my M and not for anyone/anything else I am doing myself and my M a huge disservice and won't be taking the personal stand that I need to take for the right reasons.
Tam...I want to comment on the red portion....if something it not healthy and we continue to do it we are not learning, we will not get stronger, and we will not "see" what we are meant to "see" until we CHANGE what we are doing....refer back to the other poster's sister....she hasn't learned because she hasn't changed!!!...Don't fool yourself by thinking that is going to make you stronger...if that was the case you would be stronger by NOW!
Now read the blue portion....see how just taking your M/H out of the loop changes it all...AND...get this...reading it this way makes you SOUND stronger...and if you SOUND stronger, you APPEAR stronger, and if you APPEAR stronger people will TREAT you stronger, AND if you are TREATED STRONGER...soon you WILL BE STRONGER!!!!
Tam...I don't want to leave you, I don't want to make you feel like you have to do anything for me, but you need to break out of that totally helpless, non-working, spiral you are in....and I don't want to be "helping" you stay in the spiral...I don't want to continue to help you keep "hurting"...that is what it is beginning to feel like...
I am glad to see you feel you are a point of no return on the moving issue...I really believe that distance will help you more then you realize right now...while H may not be sleeping with OW every night now (contrary to what your mind chooses to believe) this will give him another place to be away from everyone and think....I do believe he probably did go away to think when he was gone....he came back with a different point of view (even though you practically forced it out of him)....so stop while you are ahead!
Also...wanted to comment on that part where you said H was considering another investment for you both and until it came down to it you would not rock the boat...think about this...you are moving the office....if you decide not to further your (as in both of you) investments this might give him the wrong idea...personally I would go ahead with any of the investments he wants to do for "US"...this is keeping him thinking about you two again in the future...that is a good thing...you would just not be in his face daily with your office at home...BUT if you rock HIS boat and have your office at home he may conclude that you want OUT...so..rethink this, please....
Just remember this...the only way I was able to make the changes I needed to make was by putting the focus on ME...as long as you continue to try and figure H out, think about him and OW, wonder what he is doing, think about HIS journey....you ARE NOT focusing on your own and it hinders your ability to make the changes you need...
I can tell you right now...if H came to you and said I am ready to come home you would jump in his arms...but in a few weeks he would be gone....and maybe for good....you need to work on you...
You said you weren't clingy before, you weren't needy before...the thing is you WERE...you just had CONTROL and you manipulated and molded H into what you wanted....he then became unhappy with who he is and this is where you are...so you have to admit to yourself that there was a problem WAY BEFORE November....and you have to SEE it....that is your job/goal...and this is the key to the WHOLE ENCHILADA!
