Iknow you are right I have waited for 4 years already and didn't change anything and that is what got me here today. He kept telling me he had moved ahead with his life and was tired of waiting for me to kick it in gear and catch up with him. I didn't realize what was really going on because I thought he would always love me no matter what. Just like I did him and over look all the stuff i didn't like. What a mistake.
I agree we have to change things to make it better for us. I always thought it was make myself better for him. That isn't the way it is. It is all about you and me. We have to do it for us and move ahead.
Penny,
It sounds like you're on the verge of making some profound changes for yourself. I agree with your position. We LBS have to change how we make decisions. We can no longer invest too much into a R that isn't there. We have to make decisions that are in our best interests, that may or may not influence the R the way we would hope.
It's easy for a LBS to operate out of fear, and allow the WAS to determine how we will live our married life. We accept an arrangement that we don't agree with, and fail to let them know thru our actions, that there are consequences for their actions. They can't live life on their terms, and expect the M to stay the same.
They have to see that we're not afraid of them, and of making difficult decisions. They have to see that we've cultivated self-respect to the point that we would pursue a D, if we had to. They'll know when we're brimming with that kind of confidence.
This is what I'm working towards after six months into my situation. I'm glad to see you're also beginning to walk the same path.
I wonder what he meant when he said that he had gotten tired of waiting for you? What did he want you to change?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
