Slowly and Friends, Thanks for the validation regarding how I'm approaching the invitation decision-making process. I'm going to probably propose to W that it is best if I go to Boston solo this trip. I would assume that straightforward honesty about my decision would not be helpful. Actions will speak louder than words.
I'll wait and see regarding the piano recital trip. I would want some kind of hint that my presence is desired, versus I'm fulfilling some kind of obligation.
I continue to read infidelity articles on the internet, and "Surrendering to Marriage" by Iris Krasnow. I can see that D is an option of dignity for the LBS. I'm not sure that the LBS should stay in a M under any circumstances. I can't see staying in an arrangement that isn't mutually agreed upon--W using the home as a place to sleep and monitor her social life, without regard to how it impacts the LBS.
It seems that at some point the WAS has to show some commitment to working on the M. There has to be honesty about what happened. Every detail doesn't have to be revealed, but at least the basics of what happened has to be disclosed. The LBS has to be willing to hold the WAS accountable at some point.
Glass supports the LBS leaving a M, when after a period of time, there is no movement in the M. I am about six months into the Suspect an OP phase, and wonder at what point I should start uttering the D word to my W? I know that is a personal decision.
It's difficult to know what is a reasonable period-of-time to hang-in-there, before it becomes a matter of your being taken advantage of, and letting someone else determine some of your lifestyle choices.
I hope things become more clear in time. I've stated a one year waiting period, but six more months of this seems very long. I wonder if there are positives in my situation, that I'm not seeing? It looks to me that my W and I are walking the path to D.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
