HM...I can relate to those feelings of oblivioun until it hits you smack in the face...I too thought I had it all...and everyone else thought I did as well...
Time is on your side...my first bomb was H moving out!....he was gone for about 18 months before I saw even a glimmer of hope...yes, there was an OW for a time...but he stayed gone even after things ended with her...in the long run I think that was good because neither of us was ready to get back together...
Even now...we are struggling with our R...piecing is harder then I had thought...again that ablivious feeling that if he moves back, says he wants to work things out, says he loves me that I will feel great....WRONG!....
I have faith that we will make it...but I can only speak for myself....
I do feel for you right now because I vividly remember those days that you are now experiencing...it is tough...and I am sorry that anyone has to go through it...
Do what you can for you and D...make special plans to do something regularly...get crazy with it...my girls and I joined Jazzercise!....of course this was after H came home but I figured I needed to make sure I HAD A LIFE!
HM...I can relate to those feelings of oblivioun until it hits you smack in the face...I too thought I had it all...and everyone else thought I did as well...
Time is on your side...my first bomb was H moving out!....he was gone for about 18 months before I saw even a glimmer of hope...yes, there was an OW for a time...but he stayed gone even after things ended with her...in the long run I think that was good because neither of us was ready to get back together...
Even now...we are struggling with our R...piecing is harder then I had thought...again that ablivious feeling that if he moves back, says he wants to work things out, says he loves me that I will feel great....WRONG!....
I have faith that we will make it...but I can only speak for myself....
I do feel for you right now because I vividly remember those days that you are now experiencing...it is tough...and I am sorry that anyone has to go through it...
Do what you can for you and D...make special plans to do something regularly...get crazy with it...my girls and I joined Jazzercise!....of course this was after H came home but I figured I needed to make sure I HAD A LIFE!
H is still at home - we still occasionally do things together - no physical contact at all - we are like brother and sister or best friends I am afraid to invite him to do things - concerned he will feel pressured - but I feel like he is drifting away from me
I'm right there with you, except for the brother/sister or best friend part. Somethimes H feels like a friend (rarely a close one), but mostly he's withdrawn. No physical contact at all (sigh). I was the one that mostly made advances there and I won't now (the whole rejection thing).
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Is time on my side ? Its been 7 months since the bomb and no movement on him moving out what does that mean
Again we're in the same boat except it's only been 3 months since bomb for me (so do I get to drive yet?). I truly believe time is on our side. Partly b/c they haven't moved out . I am hopeful that this just means they're confused and hurting and don't really know what they want(in my case I'm sure finances are part of that which scares me that he's really a WAS and I may not have a chance). I can't really explain why, it's just that from all I've read....patience, time and GAL are the best things we can do.
I don't know if I think I have a real chance or not, but it doesn't matter. For me I HAVE to "act as if" I do. I'm not "afraid" of losing him, I love him. Could I make it and live a happy and meaningful life without him? Yes, I could. So, for me (for now) I do the best I can for myself so that I move towards where I want to be (regardless of him). It's taken alot of soul searching and I'm still figuring things out. That's ok, there's no hurry.
Some days it's really hard to be strong, but i would caution you to take the crying into the shower or out for a walk. You're really not unloved you know, it just feels that way b/c it's not coming from him. I make a list everyday (sometimes mental sometimes written) of the things I'm grateful for. May sound silly, but it helps with my attitude.
I'm sorry I can't make the pain and lonliness go away for you. Somehow, I believe all this is making me who I'm supposed to be.
Right there with you guys. It has been 5 months for me since H dropped the PA bomb and I kicked him out.
This is such a nightmare. The killer is the waiting and the knowing that it may not ever get better with H.
Hannah, the things that help me are: 1) nothing you do will help H right now, it is all up to him. 2) God has a plan for us and he knows best 3) you would not want a real relationship with H right now because he is not capable of it. If there is an OW, they have no REAL relationship. It is based on using each other - that is it. 3) H will reap what he sows. 4) Most MLC's wake up eventually. 5) They still love us underneath all their emotional baggage.
Me: 45 H: 43 Married: 19 years Dated 05 years Bomb: 11/06 OW - "I love her, but still want you as my friend"
Thank you all for the pep talk I needed to hear it all again
My H actually told me over the weekend that the way I've been acting the last few days - he feels pressured its amazing how when I start to have a meltdown he seems to be running scared - what more do I need to tell me to back off One of these days I will learn - I need to stop it NOW
so I've gone back to acting as if - I started thinking too about my D - I want her to see how strong I am and will be no matter what - I owe it to her and myself
I reallly hope he starts seeing his counselor again - I think the reason I started to backslide was I am getting concerned that he is withdrawing and not speaking to anyone about the 'bugs' in his head - I know I cant address it with him I think I was feelilng like if he could at least talk to a counselor maybe he can work thru some of this again I want to fast forward and have this resolved Whenever he acts irrational or I am upset for a snub or brush off I try to remember he is not the person I married
Thanks again for listening you are all so kind - wish we could have 'met' under different circumstances but I feel fortunate to have you folks to clear my head out a bit
me - 47 H - 50 /49 when bomb happened Daughter 17 years old married 21 years together 26 years Bomb August 06 H still at home 'I love you but not in love with you'
hey Its finally springtime here and I'm trying to be optimistic despite some converstaion with H - I pushed the issue and he started soewing - I regretted it was soon as I started - when will I learn Anyway - he called back and said he didnt mean for conversation to get so out of hand - he said somem pretty bad stuff - but I am stronger today - time to move forward again - time to act as if again
Most of all - time to start a journal - some of you had enncouraged this and I've decided to go ahead with it I had only been writing in it when I was very very down - I need to write all the time - so I can track what is working and what isnt
I cant believe its been 9 months since the bomb he is still here and I am still standing
more later...
I'll leave you with this He gave me hope when hope was gone - he gave me strength to carry on
a prize to those who knows what Broadway musical that line is from - the singer is talking about God - but I think it applies to all of you too !
me - 47 H - 50 /49 when bomb happened Daughter 17 years old married 21 years together 26 years Bomb August 06 H still at home 'I love you but not in love with you'
and the answer to the trivia question is : Les Miserables ! Can you tell I'm a theatre geek?
me - 47 H - 50 /49 when bomb happened Daughter 17 years old married 21 years together 26 years Bomb August 06 H still at home 'I love you but not in love with you'
