I have to agree with Heywyre about your wife's mental state. Even though the cutting was a year ago, it's pretty intense behavior. Particularly in an adult. And even if it was for attention....

I think her mental state and parenting should be bigger issue than where the marriage is going and what else is happening. Of course, you only have so much control over her decisions since she's an adult. I think protecting the kids should be number one.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.