Help!!! He is driving me crazy..... He was so nice at Easter and the last 3 days he has been alittle up tight when I have talked to him but today after work I am driving to a friends business before I go home and I see H car at this shop. My H has been living 2 hrs away. So I pull in and go in. He has ordered a part for his trailer which I knew but didn't know he was coming in today. He really had a surprise look on his face. I said were you just going to come and go or what. He said he was going to surprise me at work but they had to call the factory because the part had a dent and it got late. I told him well I had went and tanned and cleaned my car and was going out to my friends landscape business to get some stuff. I invited him to a coffee and we visited and he gave me a hug and went back to work 2 hrs away. The killer was he had a shirt on the OW had made for him . Thsi OW is a manipulater. I just needed to vent. AHAHAHA.
He is so convincing with his stories. I don't doubt that if he had time he would have surprised me. I just don't know if I have enough Patience..........
Just keep pretending to "believe". That is what I have done...If you want to be sitting by yourself 5 years from now, with no real plan, keep up the act.
I am very sad, just now. I have Divorce Busted myself into a never ending separation... I misunderstood.
Penny, I admire you. I think you are hard working and loving. That is all that matters.
I think "We" {you and me}[I] should reconsider. The only time I have had good results was when I unexpectedly changed things.
Let us pick the fastest horse on your ranch and ride it away.... your husband will only scamper to catch up when he notices that you have taken a hike.
Love, Friend Flicka... {I picked my dumb name before that dumb movie...}
Flicka you have made me laugh. I thought you just really like the movie...Just kidding...
Iknow you are right I have waited for 4 years already and didn't change anything and that is what got me here today. He kept telling me he had moved ahead with his life and was tired of waiting for me to kick it in gear and catch up with him. I didn't realize what was really going on because I thought he would always love me no matter what. Just like I did him and over look all the stuff i didn't like. What a mistake.
I agree we have to change things to make it better for us. I always thought it was make myself better for him. That isn't the way it is. It is all about you and me. We have to do it for us and move ahead. We can ride the horse and go as fast and as far as we want. Let us take the lead and go. If it is met to be, it will be, and if it isn't there must be another plan for us.
What is your situation. Do you have a thread? Has you H left permently? I think mine has gotten acustom to being on his own and really likes it but then he has all the comforts of me handling things and being the anchor . He will tell me he can handle it then the next thing he is calling to see how to do something or what do I think. I sometimes he thinks I am his best friend instead of his wife. He talks business for the future like I am always going to be here. I decided today I have to decide to do business but also look at it in a way that will better myself too.
I hate it. Do you ever wonder why we have to go through this?
Thnak you for posting. I need all the help and support I can get. There are times it is really really tough as you all know.
Please tell me why you believe you have DB yourself in a never ending Seperation? see ya
I don't have a thread. I have been a reader. My 'story' is just the same as everyone's. Why type?
I have just kept the faith as well as I could. I have survived, some horrible personal insults and losses. I shrugged them off because I did not know what to do otherwise. I am stalled out now. I am feeling like a geriatric 'ho.. My husband failed a business. Our house and land went with it. He disintegrated and started some affairs.
I think I could have "rescued" the situation sooner. He was messed up and never went too far away. He has always kept me near.
Lately, I am taking inventory. He is making a business jump but staging it in a way that keeps me here in my "pumpkin".
When I lose my temper, he reacts. I am thinking that I have been too timid. I am sure that I need to have a '[censored] or get off the pot' conversation...
I love him and I am bored when he is away... he has been away too long.
I do read into what you write. I think your husband is still very attached to you and your family. I faced down each and everyone of my husband's OW. They backed off, but I think he enjoyed the drama-rama.
Penny, please forgive my "Friday" ranting. When I reread, I do seem crazy. Usually, I am accepting of the way things are. Things at this end are gradually improving, but I am suddenly impatient.
When I read about your husband prancing around in shirts that his OW made just for him, I get flooded and angry on your behalf. That is the problem with this board. We all feel protective of others, but don't value ourselves quite enough to detach in a healthy way.
I am going to try harder. First, I am going to 'forgive' myself for being stupid on this board, then I will try to imagine what I could do differently to ease my situation.
Penny, we have to be creative in order to survive this grief without losing our best selves.
I am interested in how you do manage to cope. Trotting backward {flicka talk} has worked for me before. Awkward as it is...
You don't have to apoligize for anything. The situation we are all in drives us crazy believe me. I actually at one time thaought I was crazy. Thank you for being protective of me. I feel the same way . You get to know these people and you are so angry at there H or W for not realizing what they have.
I will talk later I just wanted to answer I have got a lot of outside work todo today. So that will keep my mind busy. Later.
Iknow you are right I have waited for 4 years already and didn't change anything and that is what got me here today. He kept telling me he had moved ahead with his life and was tired of waiting for me to kick it in gear and catch up with him. I didn't realize what was really going on because I thought he would always love me no matter what. Just like I did him and over look all the stuff i didn't like. What a mistake.
I agree we have to change things to make it better for us. I always thought it was make myself better for him. That isn't the way it is. It is all about you and me. We have to do it for us and move ahead.
Penny,
It sounds like you're on the verge of making some profound changes for yourself. I agree with your position. We LBS have to change how we make decisions. We can no longer invest too much into a R that isn't there. We have to make decisions that are in our best interests, that may or may not influence the R the way we would hope.
It's easy for a LBS to operate out of fear, and allow the WAS to determine how we will live our married life. We accept an arrangement that we don't agree with, and fail to let them know thru our actions, that there are consequences for their actions. They can't live life on their terms, and expect the M to stay the same.
They have to see that we're not afraid of them, and of making difficult decisions. They have to see that we've cultivated self-respect to the point that we would pursue a D, if we had to. They'll know when we're brimming with that kind of confidence.
This is what I'm working towards after six months into my situation. I'm glad to see you're also beginning to walk the same path.
I wonder what he meant when he said that he had gotten tired of waiting for you? What did he want you to change?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
I don't have a thread. I have been a reader. My 'story' is just the same as everyone's. Why type?
are you the woman who used to post in MLC under the name of Libnor? I used to love reading her, and some of your lovely insightful words sound similar. She hasn't posted for at least 6 months or so.
x
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Walkingback{ward}, I am not Libnor, but I used to read her. And you! I am glad if you think I have any insights. Mostly, I have remorse for lost opportunities of my own and real empathy for the grief that is displayed on these boards. I wish I could help better. I think YOU do!
I am struggling to notice what is true NOW and then do whatever it takes to help the situation. What drags me down are everyday problems. I am an irritable saint with my husband, but I am a frightening witch otherwise... not quite but sorta. Lately, I am tearful.
I have to move house, yet again. I am unhinged over this trouble. All my little Buddhist sensibilities have flown out the window. I will fly after them and regroup, soon. I am just frantic about this next jump to nowhere.
Penny, I hope your "yardening" was therapeutic. I find it hard to rake leaves and debris that I do not own. I do it, but I would rather save myself for happy/melancholy walks with my bad dog.
I do need some help today. My h and my S22 and his girlfriend and another boy came down to help with the business today an the wind was blowing so hard we couldn't do anything. I got all the work I could get out of the even though it was horrible. My H thought I should of had them do more. Any way My S GF told me she had this girl come up and ask if whe was dating my S She said yes and this person said well my aunt is dating his dad and he has served me papers and i won't sign and that I am a horrible B*&%#. That I am holding out for investment reasons. My s GF told her that H hadn't served me papers and that he still comes down snd sees me. and that was all a story. I called him and I said this is what your OW is spreading a round of course he doesn't believe she would do that. I told him I didn't deserve this and I had been trying really hard to hold this business together. I said I'm telling H because I'm sure he would rather me talk to him (we can talk to each other after 25 yrs)about it instead of someone else. I said as a friend I believe your OW is not telling you the whole truth. I probably shouldn't say that but I was on a roll. I said I don't think It should be going around that I am the bitch and won't sign divorce papers when there is none. He said he just wants to leave and go as far away as possible that he is not incontrol of his life or time. This plant has destroy more things than one. He doesn't care about anything or anyone. I know I shouldn't have snapped but I think he should hear what is being said. He told me her Niece is a b*&^# and that she would say anything. I said where did she get her info. He said I am going to talk to the OW about it. I said she isn't going to tell you she said that. I said she has you believing anything she says.
Please guys I need some support and advice. Financially we have to hang in there to benefit both of us but I don't know. This woman is such a manipulator. This isn't her first married man. She has had several so she is very good on how she acts. How can someone like her live with her self.
He told me that we had been getting along well and that he was just not in control of his life and he would live his life and I was to be in control of mine and live mine. What is he thinking. I think I am going crazy.....
Virgina you are not Hijacking . Please post whatever you need to. I value your advice that you have given so many others I would hope you would tell me anything....
Guys help....Why should any one have to go thru this....
