You know? I'm scared.....scared enough to not even be able to put down on paper all the questions that need to be discussed.
I wasn't given time..........and yet I've had the last 14 months to burn the questions into my heart.
I didn't think he would ask about coming back yet.........and yet I did think it was quite possible he would ask.
An hour and 8 minutes until he comes back here for dinner.
I've been dating him for months.............yet the biggest discussion we have had was back in October. Nothing since then.
To go from that time til now without talking this marriage stuff and then just to move back in? I don't know.........doesn't make sense........and yet it does - knowing him.
I've been burned too many times. Don't want to get burned again. If I say yes to coming home I'm choosing my own burning in a way. This can be avoided by saying no.
The roommate idea is not so bad if you have a roommate willing to help around here.......not one only wishing to live off of the very little that I have..........but then again.........this roommate is still my H.......and that has to be considered as well.......for better or worse you know.
Sh!t!!! I hate decisions........it's the one thing I haven't improved on in the last 14 months.......I'm still a huge procrastinater with decisions.
Yes, I've been standing for marriage.........BUT......I admit....I seem to be the exception to the rule around here.....I've not been pining away for H to come home and come to his senses.
This has been such a great growth time for me.
I'm not ready to give it up..........
but I will.
but I sure do like the peace and quiet.............
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
Brue my thoughts will be with you tonight--sending you all kinds of self confidence vibes.
Tonight you are feeling him out. NO final decisions need to be made and most of all, do not go at this from a place of fear. YOu are the one in control and so there is no need for fear. All too often we allow our fears to take front stage in our dealings with people and it leads us right smack dab into the lions den. Tonight, speak to H from a place of love and strength. YOu are okay on your own and don't NEED him to come home and what could be more powerful than that? You are amazing and it is so awesome that you are at this place.
I also agree that you should have your boundaries and be clear and rational about it without being demanding. We should never want them back so badly that we would be willing to sacrifice our standards and ethics.
Love, Althea
p.s. I want JEFF CORWIN AS MY NEXT HUSBAND!!!! (I know, that was totally out of left field, but he is SO my type!).
This worries me. He is still in big time MLC. I worry that he is only thinking of numero uno. I don't mean to sound negative, but be careful. His motive may be very self-centered. I don't know everything about your sitch, but it sounds like you have been through hell.
I'm penning some thots: These are questions I have so far....
Friday, April 13, 2007
Questions for H: 1. Why come back here at all? Until now, nothing has been indicated that he has any interest in coming back here?
2. Is this only until he finds someplace else to live as he finds a better place to be trying to make a place in the music world?
3. What does he expect of me while he lives here?
4. Am I allowed to expect anything of him? Am I allowed to ask anything of him?
When you left I stopped calling after 2 to 3 weeks. why? Because you wouldn't answer any of my questions - I learned there was no point. I have asked nothing from him since that time. I have tried to take care of as many things by myself as I can. Is that the way it is to continue?
5. Why did he leave me? And why is it ok to come back now? What is different from before?
6. Is there any commitment involved in this continuance of marriage? or just until tired of it because it is just not working.
7. What is commitment anyway? Is it only there when I do things the right way? Who decides what is right and wrong? Will you tell me if you are upset ? or just keep it to yourself until you decide to leave?
8. Are you wishing to come back simply to keep from paying any more rent?
9. You have not said anything to me since you left here about missing me. you do not call me during the week like when you were "courting" me so to speak. I love yous are rare. Why come back? you wanted passion before, there does not seem to be any of that with you toward me so what should I expect?
10. What happens if I were to get sick? I mean really sick. Would that be an inconvenience that you would say in your head "I didn't need this to happen to me right now"- or is there enough love in your heart for me to stand by me if I should need you in such a manner?
my stomach's getting sick!
Althea - You're right.........I have been on my own......I don't need him to come back. It is a good thing to remember that I am ok! Gosh........I almost forgot that.
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
IMO all your questions are very fair, except perhaps these two. They must just be a little negative and assuming the worst of him. Not that I blame you, just an observation.
How is your tummy? Mine would be a mess too.
I'm so proud of you, and so happy for you. No one on this board has made a better effort at growth and GAL than you have.
Originally Posted By: brueniap
2. Is this only until he finds someplace else to live as he finds a better place to be trying to make a place in the music world?
8. Are you wishing to come back simply to keep from paying any more rent?
You seem to be going into this discussion from a position of strength. I did that with my WAS last week , also with no prepared 'list' of questions. I was concerned that I would get the proverbial 'tennis game' where things were tossed back into my court but not truly answered.
But somehow my words came out right and I managed to elicit some clear answers ..a first in a long time.I felt I was being guided by my higher power too. Stay strong and state what you want and I am sure your Faith in God will guide you . It turned out less scary than I had anticipated .
My thoughts and prayers are with you .
Bislandgal
Love and Light Bislandgal
Re: HELP! Feeling despondent and alone Re: New Thread ....Possibilities????
