I don't think he fears losing me, because I have never left. My fault. He 'weathers the storm', and does 'damage control', and usually comes out of it unchanged, and unwilling to change.:/
Being, I wonder if part of the dynamics in a happy M, is that you have two happy, confident people who are comfortable with their personal power, and have a low tolerance for mistreatment. Power is part of the equation, but used in a healthy way.
We hold ourselves to a higher standard with people we fear and respect, because we know they are comfortable in using their power as needed. They won't compromise their standards for you.
My guess is that you have not been comfortable exercising your power of self-expression, assertiveness, and holding your H accountable, over the years. You have made great strides in GAL, and participating in activities that bring you joy. However, I wonder if increasing your personal power has been a struggle for you, and this has been your area of avoidance?
My hope is as you muster the courage to hold your H accountable for his avoidance, that you can find strategies besides threatening a D. Maybe he needs to sleep in the guest room. Maybe you need to cut back on time spent with him. Maybe an ultimatum is your last resort.
Good luck.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
