Wise DB'ers please help!

[25yearsmlc]

TD,
I agree with Hey about the groceries and how that would look. Part of why she is doing this might be b/c she wants to know she can make it on her own, and isn't with you just b/c she needs the money/financial security. BTW, I also had an injury that took me out of the world for a long time. It does affect your view of life. I recall after my last back surgery (which eventually DID help) that 1) I'd made the biggest mistake of my life getting the procedure done b/c my pain was much worse and I could not shave my legs, pull socks up, etc. and 2) if the pain continued the way it was, I'd either become an addict or worse. There were moments I considered checking out of the world. I like to think I'd have snapped out of it all, b/c of our children. Weirdly, H was out of country at the time, (can't recall why, come to think of it) and the kids helped me. When we moved to California, I was still in bad shape physically. I had been a college athlete, "tomboy" all my life. SO, yes I felt like a burden. I refused the label or money for a "disability" and still would refuse it unless my kids were starving. Also, I hated the term "bad back" b/c my back wasn't bad, it was hurt. I rejected being permanently injured (Heywire, I'm not saying you have to do this, just was my way of coping, or not coping...) 12 weeks after the procedure, it was if someone had "glued" my disc/vertabrae back together and healed the wounds from the procedure. In a matter of maybe 5 days, I suddenly made huge progress. Miracle? Hey, why not?

SO I am better now but I sure would make a lousy cancer patient. H constantly asking how my back felt, better or worse today? Etc. Other issues that go with it are of course depression, weight gain, decreased sex drive-especially if you gain weight and feel unattractive, or if you have to only ML in certain positions, etc. Lots of people have been in her shoes. I think the "non-injured" person (or at least MY perception of them) gets a bit tired of the injury affecting THEIR lives so much. And it felt to me, that H was tired of me not earning money at the time, especially since the child care took so much work for me when first injured. So he wasn't getting a partner taking care of the kids full time or working for money. Looking back, it wasn't H who helped me nearly as much as our children, and family we had around us that year. He wasn't terribly inconvenienced then, but did nag me a lot about doing anything physical later. For instance, "J, don't carry that! What are you thinking? You'll hurt your back again!" See, that did not always feel loving to me.

I am now 90-95% functioning. In my mind it's a 100% b/c the things I cannot do, were not particularly big in my life (like shovelling snow and bowling?? I can do fine without those things, thank you very much). What exactly was your gf's injury and what's her status now?


Back to you and your sitch.....YOU said she has tested you in the past. How? Also, what is her work now? Does she have a college degree? Your hours sound long, and are you commission based only? My reasons for asking about your work is whether it's a "feast or famine" kind of thing, or means lots of working at night. How much job security do you have? Has she healed physically?
j-