I am whipped--long day of doctors and illnesses and etc. but I wanted to say a quick thank you to all of you who posted and for the loving words of encouragement and advice. It means o much to me. There seems to be a bug in this house that won't leave--keeps hopping from one person to the next.
Christy M: 31 H: 33 Married ~ 13 years S12 S8 Bomb 10/05 supposedly ended A 2nd bomb 12/30/05 Separated 01/06 I filed 6/12/07 ~ new ow 3wks after moving out http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1094955&page=0#Post1094955
I good nights sleep does wonders, as do paint fumes!! (long story)
I so understand that feeling of being overwhelmed.
Last August I had a meltdown as my two oldest ones were returning to school and I was going to be alone with all of the little ones.
(Six of them ages 4-11). I was so afraid of having to deal with all of the responsibility and the stress and the mess and the fact that I would basically be house bound.
This was not the life I had signed up for, I didn't have this many kids just to be left to raise them alone.
My Husband's attitude at the time sucked, he told me that I really had nothing to complain about and just needed to be more organized.
You and me and the other LBS's are the strong ones. We are the survivors. We will succeed because we didn't jump ship when things got hard, even though the thought of it was tempting at times!!
Our WAS's couldn't cope, they wanted something that we couldn't give them, because their parents couldn't give it to them. They were already damaged good before they met us.
You continuously amaze me with your talents and your beautifully worded posts. There is so much you have to offer and for now you need to relish in the fact that you are the rock for your children's lives. They know you love them. They know you are never going anywhere.
They may love their Father, but they do not trust him. He has chosen to give up the very best thing that ever happened to him and he really will pay for it in the long run.
My oldest Son is almost 21. He has now reached an age where he calls me to see how I am doing and he thanks me for always being there for him and his siblings.
He shares things with me about his day, and calls me for advice. Although my Husband and I have reconcilled, he and the other children remain very guarded around him.
I do not want to punish my Husband for the bad choices he made but the natural consequences are the things he is dealing with now.
What you sow, so shall you reap.
I am seeing the fruits of my labors......and so is he.
Hang in there!!!
(((((((((Faith)))))))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Althea, take it to heart. Your kids are going to thrive, no matter what, with you in their lives.
Was2 has some really good advice when he's serious, lol! See if you can get babysitting money incl in your spousal support, so you can get out once a week. If your mum or a friends comes over, so much the better ~ money in your pocket.
If you want to renew your RT license, you should be able to get the necessary money from H, unless he wants to be supporting you for the rest of your life. There is no reason that you should have to wait till he gets back. So it takes time and money~you will find a way to get both through friends and H. I think it would really be good for you to feel like you can stand on your own two feet financially, and not be dependent on him. It would give you some independence back, and help with self-confidence and self-respect. You've been doing so well with your knitting, and that seems to have given you a renewed sense of self. I think that working on your RT would have the same effect.
I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs today,
Nic
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Althea... As a completely single mom of two boys (!) I am totally in sync with your feelings of frustration and as horrid as it all is now, it gets better. I know that sounds trite but it truly does. You get by becuase there is no other alternative. On eof the greatest lessons I learned through this whole experience is to ask for help. I thought it made me weak and that people were going to look at me like I was incapable or whatever. After I ate that first sliceof humble pie I realized that my friends and family were waiting there...like runners at a race...waiting there hoping for me to give them a sign that I needed them.
It was a gift to both them and me.
I know we are all a million miles away but...all you need to do is ask. Keep on keeping on my sistah!!!!
Lisa, Ellie, Nicola, Lissett, Fig, Cinders, BND, Was2Sad, Christy, Always, Bis, Thanks for the lovely posts. So nice to wake up to such thoughtful words.
BND, that was a great post, I appreciate it. Yes, you are so right and when I am not a blubbering head--case I so relish the fact that my efforts will pay off in spades. Last week my darling 12 year old son told me that he has a girlfriend. It was his secret to me. Not to his father but to me. It made me feel so special and privileged,
Lissett, I'm sure looking into your pretty face is like a breath of fresh air (send me pics! altheamerb@yahoo.com).
Figola! I hope it gets a little easier. Boys are wonderful but they are hard. The fact is it doesn't matter if it's boys or men, I just don't get those XY's, they're a mystery. I like your race analogy.
I was in the doctor's office yesterday and picked up a COSMO and started reading about the difference in the male and female brain and why women remember things in the emotional and the analytical part of their brain whereas men remember things in the mostly in the analytical part of their brain and that is why women experience things so much more emotionally and literally feel things deeper while men can process information without so much emotion and therefore can let stuff drop more easily (i.e. don't hold grudges).
Women also trend to sense danger or trouble more quickly than men which is an advantage on some levels but can also lead us to see trouble where there isn't any. They give an example of why men will get lost and not pull over to ask for directions--they aren't being stubborn but rather are so focused on problem solving and reading the map that they don't even realize they are lost. They also say that men have a better sense of direction...
It was interesting. Overly generalized I think and tended to be somewhat sexist but I think there was a lot of truth in parts of it.
Well, H and I were supposed to meet today to discuss the settlement and his travels and all kinds of other things but I have a child home sick today so once again it is postponed
I was tidying up and came across a list of H’s. He is a meticulous list keeper--he's done it all our lives. Always on Yellow legal pad paper and blue pen and he crosses off stuff as he does it. Most of it was crossed off but I could read through the scribbles. The list must have been left when he was here taking care of the triplets while S12 and I were in Florida.
It was very revealing in a symbolic way. At the top of the list was something about finishing a paper. Second was "Jackie" the next several items were work/job/research related. Then "Jackie pictures" then shopping list, then at the VERY BOTTOM was "call kids" and also "Althea..." couldn't read what that one said. As was always my suspicion we are literally at the bottom of his list of priorities.
We used to make fun of his father for his weekly calls because it was always so much like he was just checking us off his list. Non emotional, just an obligation he needed to take care of. How amazing it is that H has become so like his father.
I talked to H today. Asked him to come get S12 and then pick up kids from school and he agreed. He told me about the COF meeting and said it was demoralizing. Said that one of our old friends treated him almost with anger and hostility and it was "unsettling and weird." Of course I know why everyone there doesn't like him anymore and why it seems "they have already judged me and decided what to do." He doesn't get that the people who were once our friends are disgusted by what he has done and perplexed and don't like him anymore.
Anyway, H will be here soon to get my boy and I better get stuff ready.
He doesn't get that the people who were once our friends are disgusted by what he has done and perplexed and don't like him anymore.
My H also feels that the world is wrong and he is right ! He cannot understand why someone would at all be mad at him or angry at or upset with the situation..... Afterall he is just looking to be happy right ??!!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I am a great list maker...just not a great list follower...just like I have a billion organization things and everything is still piled all over the floor.
