Totally fair. Not only does it put the kids first (and gives the the stability of a schedule...), but it allows BOTH of you to MAKE plans (esp. you). A sitter is exactly what you'd have to do if you were single parents.
So I am still wondering about the other thing in my post. I felt good about it but was it the right thing to do? I feel that I dont ask him where he is going or what he is doing, and although I love that he wants to know, I feel that right now its none of his business. But now I am scared that he wont ask again LOL. Anyway, its Friday the 13th and I live in Port Dover Canada and its a big thing around here. Tons of bikers come and its really an awesome sight to see. I hope to hear from someone soon. Thanks Grace and Going Solo for all your advice and opinions. I big thanks to all the other people who have helped me on this thread. I love that I can come here and get great advice from people who know what I am going through. Have a good day all. Heather
Remember the lessons from DBing. Make him want to pursue you. That means being a bit mysterious. Trust that he'll want to know what you're doing and not knowing is going to irk him somewhat. Don't expect too much, but he'll ask at least most of the time.
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
Wow Im really having a crappy evening. I went for a walk with H and some friends and the kids. It went well, I had fun, but now I am feeling very low. I just got into a fight with my daughter over something totally stupid, I asked her if she would rather her daddy come home and me move out and she said yes. She is 6. It really hurt my feelings and then I thought about it. I got angry at her and started crying which started her crying and making my son upset. i feel like crap now. I feel like such a horrible mom sometimes. I feel like all I do is yell at them. Thats why I feel like maybe they are better off with their dad. I dont know what to do. I am so depressed right now. Heather
Is daughter the "daddy's little princess" type? That might explain her feelings. But, I'd go to a professional to talk about that. You might want to look into counseling for her since, and I'm not being depressing but, your H may reject your D6's wishes by saying he doesn't want the kids. It may not happen, but best to be prepared.
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
Well its been a week now since H said he was gonna call the real estate guy. I havent heard another thing about it. I dont know if he is just forgetting about it or he really doesnt want to. He is used to me being a snivelling crying begging pleading person, but he has gotten very little of that since the split and Im not sure how he is dealing with that. I have been very strong and over the last week very distant but friendly. I hope this passes soon and we can try to forget the past and look forward to a happy future together. Something tells me deep doen inside though that that likely wont happen. But I am trying not to dwell on that. Heather
It won't pass soon. So, faten your seat belt, keep your ands and feet inside the car at all times......
I know it gets confusing after they say things and don't follow through. I don't know what to tell you there. My H was clear he wanted a D and other R's upto and including falling in love again. Talked about moving out....now it's 3 mo later and i don't know if he's hanging around till I get a "better job" for our D's (specifically until the next school year when our D12 will be in middle school) or what. I don't ask and he offers nothing. It's enough to make you nuts!
You should be really proud of yourself for not crying and pleading with him. I know it's hard to wait for them to do whatever it is they're going to do. That's where GAL is sooooo important. I can't afford much, but you'd be surprised the way I can fill my time doing things for me and my D's. I've got a creative streak there.
I think its a good idea if I just get my own apartment and let H have the kids in the house. I cant raise them on my own. Im not a good mother, I have no patience and my son is a handful and I just feel like I cant raise them on my own. Its too hard. Ill give H what he wants and go on with my life. Heather
Well thats not a very positive outlook now is it. Tomorrow is another day and its all about my kids. I have been so rotten to them today and I feel sick about it. I can do this, I can handle them. I need to stop being so selfish when it comes to them and start caring for them the way they deserve to be cared for. Heather
H spoke with his sister today and told her that its over and there is no chance of reconciliation. At first I was crushed but I think thats only because he had put things off for so long that I had hopes but now I realize that Im not sure that I wanted to go back in the first place. I think its that I was scared to be alone, scared of my fiancial situation. The more I think of how things were the more I think that this is for the best. I have been so much happier since he has been gone. I sleep better. I dont live in fear of what hes gonna think of my every move. I have got a life. I have made new friends, and I am so much more confident. I actually feel pretty and I havent felt like that in a very long time. He supposed to call the realtor tomorrow and list the house. I am actually very excited about getting my own place. I have questioned for a very long time about whether I loved him or not and I think deep down I will always have something for him but its time to move on adn I feel so releived that finally he may actaully do what he says. There was a day a couple of weeks ago that he asked if we were gonna put the house up for sale and I told him to go ahead and call the realtor, he responded with, whats the hurry. That made me think he wasnt sure what he wanted and that maybe he wanted to try. I told him that if we werent goint to be together then I wanted to get this overwith and move on with my life. I was ready for that weeks ago. It really confused me when he asked what my hurry was. But now I know that this is for the best. I finally have no expectations. What happens happens. Im looking forward to finding someone to share my life with who truly loves me for who I am. Some one I can be myself around. I miss myself, and I finally got myself back after he left. So tomorrow brings apartment hunting. Im so excited about that. I cant afford a whole lot right now but its something I can call my own and I can what I want with it. maybe if we profit enough on the house I can have enough for a dwon payment on a new house. I am so optomistic about the things to come. Wish me luck. I will still check in here, because even though I dont want my marriage, I still feel that there are alot of lessons I can learn for myself here. Heather
