First of all, I want to say thanks for all of the support and advice from the people here. It has truly gotten me through this time and I suspect that there will be more needed. I have had many revelations the past few weeks. I will elaborate on this more at a later date but for now… a recap of yesterday. I slept like a baby the night before by the way.
It was POURING yesterday, my cute jeans were soaked but still cute. I sat outside the courtroom for several hours before being adjourned for lunch. I did not see H in the waiting area but I thought I heard his cough. Anyway, turns out it was not. He never showed. I went into the court room, the judge was annoyed that he did not show. He asked me how much H made and how much I needed for expenses until our next court date. I told him and he sent me home! I could not believe it. H is ordered to pay until he shows and everything can be sorted out!
So, I leave feeling okay… like an 800 pound gorilla had been lifted off of my chest at least temporarily and guess who I run into downstairs…. Yup, Mr. Man himself. It was like a deer in headlights, four and a half hours later. Silly me I say,”Oh, we can go up now.” He tells me that he was not here to go to court, just to find out if the case had been postponed and walked away.
I was floored. I was shocked. I was angry. I was hurt. These emotions ran through me all at once but then, then …
It was crystal clear to me what I need to do.
This is not about me at all.
It is what it is and there is absolutely NOTHING that I can do to change him.
I can continue to change me though and that ladies and gents is what I plan to do.
Life is ever changing and I am ever hopeful.
My shackles fell off right at that moment.
I will have moments when I am paralyzed but the Good Lord will get me through as he has done already.
