I can't stand anymore

[missmyfriend]

Lis, awesome post and it again demonstrates the strength I admire so much. It takes courage to go to share something like your story that helps others including me.

HalfMissing, I have to say that a somewhat similar sitch happened to me where a woman is having marriage issues and she tried to convince me that us "being together" would only be to help us get through our individual issues. I was close. So very close to making that mistake. I realized that I would not be working on my issues and would actually create new ones. My story is different because one was for companionship without a committment while you are looking for companionship with possible committment. They are similar in many ways but the most important one is that it was to soothe my pain. A relationship with someone else other than my spouse would not have done it.

To be honest, even if my W does D me, I will take sufficient time before I consider another R. My kids are a big factor because I do not want them thinking that I could easily replace their mother. I want them to know that I consider M to be an important decision that I do not take lightly as well as the vows I made.

When a decision is made to begin a R with someone other than your spouse, you impact many, many other people. We, that is people, are selfish by nature. Our spouses have shown that they have become completely absorbed, worrying only about their needs, their pleasures. That self centeredness is wrong as a single person but the damage it causes when you have a family can cause a lot of collateral damage. As a father, I have to put my children above my own needs. I still do that for my W but without her knowing because of the "control" problems she has.

Be very careful that you do not do things only for yourself without the consideration of those around you. Some people on this board may disagree with that comment or not but it is what has created the crisis that most of find ourselves in. It is not to say that are MLC spouses are completely at fault. There are areas we are definitely responsible for. In fact, getting into another R before you find out what that is and dealing with it, will only follow you into your next R.

If that is the man you have been talking about, he is unaware of your issues because he has not been around you in your private life. The same can be said about him. He has issues. I guarantee it. When people are considering new R, they are on their best behavior around the intended person. They do not let the other person see their faults because they are trying to "capture" that person's heart.

It was different when we were younger. We could make mistakes. There was less chance someone else would get hurt. Now, you have children and other people watching what you are going to do.

The question is, will you make positive choices are add to the negatives that have already happened?

HM, I am not condemning or judging you. I have been made aware of your pain through reading your posts and hope to see good things happen in your life. You have to be truly honest with yourself whether you should even consider a R at this time.