Being, This is a lot of information to digest regarding your H's history. It probably explains most of his issues, but ultimately it doesn't matter. He has to take responsibility for his intimacy and trust issues. He has an opportunity to work-thru these issues in the M, but is letting opportunity pass him by.
I'm curious about the impact the A had on your M. I've been reading that a couple has to incorporate the lessons of the affair into their M. There has to be a discussion around it in a constructive way. One opinion is that an affair allows a person to experience life in a larger way, to experience a role, or aspect of themselves, that wasn't being experienced in their life or M. I wonder what that was for your H?
A key question is, how did the affair make your H feel. What did your H need to do differently, or what patterns needed to change in the M, so that he could experience the evolved identity?
Did your H have an awakening? Was he able to articulate what he learned from the A? Was he able to figure-out what needed to change in his life or M to so that he could evolve into something better? Did you two wrestle with, and learn from the affair, and incorporate the lessons into your M, or did opportunity pass you two by, and you returned to old patterns?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
