After I posted, I read imLins post and thought to myself - well, there you have it, that's the reason I'm divorced and she's not. I waited too long to really 'get' it and 'live' it and hence too much damage was done.

I've been thinking about it ever since though and I don't think it's as simple as that. My H did eventually want to reconcile, after I'd been DBing for about 12 months (I could have made that quicker if I'd played by the rules without all my tragic backsliding!!!), but I decided I didn't want to be with him.

I had enough space and had done enough work to realise that the world didn't begin and end with him. I am OK on my own and in fact if he had been one of my girlfriends partners, I would have had strong views about the way he behaved, how he treated her/me, what level of trust there would be in the relationship for the future - but mostly I had done a heap of growing and learning and he hadn't done anything. He was still the messed up, need to be in a relationship, any-relationship-will-do, man he was when it all started.

I so didn't respect that.

I don't want to be with a man who is an emotional cripple, because I'm not anymore. I decided that as much as I adore him, I've left him way behind. He didn't have the guts to talk truthfully about where he was at before, and he wouldn't in the future. He didn't have the self respect to make decisions based on what was right - he wanted what was easy - I want right.

To cut a long ramble short though - the bottom line is, in my experience backsliding doesn't make it hopeless - it just makes it longer.

V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.