I’m 28 and she is 27. I am a trader at a hedge fund, which can be very stressful and I did bring that home in the past. She is a flight attendant and travels usually 3 days a week, but was talking about switching to something that requires zero travel before the accident. We were both very excited since there would be no more nights alone. Before she got hurt we were talking about getting married in the spring of 08 and were both very excited about it. In fact, she would leave cutouts under my pillow with things that she liked and wanted in our wedding, it was meant so much to me. I do realize that she would have stopped working to have kids, we both agreed that we would want somebody home with them full time. I think part of the problem was it was such an abrupt ending to her day to day schedule. I should say that I do have a mortgage, in fact I have two (condo & summer house). I grew up with the mentality that if you wanted something you have to go get it, where she was more of a free spirit. What I want from this relationship is a best friend/lover I can talk to about anything and can’t wait to just be with them. I believe she wants the same in return, and we showed each other that for a long time. We have both had other serious relationships that have lasted longer than ours, but we both agree this one is different. Much more loving and respectful than our pervious. Both of our parents have been M for 30+ years and have always been loving and supportive for both of us.
The problem is now, we really don’t have contact, that’s why I emailed her to open the door of communication. I have no intention to challenge her on anything, I see that she needed to do this, and more importantly I had to realize what I needed to change.
She has tested me in the past, but I have always stuck by her and supported her through it. I guess this time it was different because we were living together so I felt like I didn’t have to support her as much, which was a major mistake. And yes I did sweep her off her feet, and she did me. I’m usually very confident, but with her I could barely even form a sentence with her for about a month because I was so nervous, let alone sleep at night because she is all I thought about, and all I think about now. We moved in together, because that was the next step. I also had bought my condo and wanted her to move in when I did, so she didn’t feel like an outsider moving into my place later on. I know that she doesn’t doubt my love for her, but I do think she needs reassurance which I probably didn’t give the when she needed it the most. I wish I could show that to her now, but I don’t want to push her away any more. I hope this wasn’t too sporadic and makes some sense. Again I really do appreciate your help and insight.
