...when life hands us lemons or whether we "create them" for ourselves, we can ALWAYS make lemonade...
Tell us what happened today...be specific...I'm sure there is something salvageable...
It's my opinion, that you fight yourself, you know you want him back (the desparate mode - fear of being alone, relying on your- self) and NOT wanting him back (he cheated, his selfishness makes you look at your issues, you don't trust him, you really don't like him much).
This vascillation between the two causes the confusion. You are spinning - going nowhere...
Try this...keep away from him, as much as you can...think, by yourself...what makes you happy, feel good about yourself? DO NOT SAY HIM, BEING MARRIED TO HIM...NOTHING ABOUT HIM.
How do or will you go about creating your happiness?
You see, he's not in your life now, you are alone...where you need to be - to regroup. You, seem to feel, if he just comes home...all will be alright. It won't...the work will be just starting...
By pursuing him, making the same mistakes over and over, you are subconsciously determined to kill the marriage off...your mind knows that he is wrong...but, the other half stays afloat in the hopes that he will come back. It's the child syndrome...crying for something you cannot immdiately get...then, wanting to really destroy it because you can't get it by your ways.
I'll go out on a stretch here - it's not love Tam...it's fear of loosing...your fear far outweighs the love for him. Love listens to each other, it waits patiently, it doesn't control, it allows each other their personal freedom, their thoughts whether agreed to or not, without pushing your needs on each other, nor to be ignoring other's needs.
You need to be alone now....just don't beat yourself up. You need to get angry...purge those feelings...let him go...save you first...that's the only thing you have right now...YOU...take VERY good care of...YOU.
