FIrst how old are you both and what types of careers are we discussing? Second, just because you think it'll all be better if and when she goes back to work, does not make it so. If you wanted to have children with her, there's a good chance she'd stop working for a bit and if this is how she handles it, you're asking for trouble. She will have career setbacks, it's called life. If this throws her off so much and IF there really were not serious problems with her and or the R, then losing a job should not be such a horrible blow to her. We ALL have setbacks like that in life. For God's sake, you don't even have a mortgage or children and THIS sends her over the edge? What is it you want/need from this R? Have you had others in your life? Has she? What was her parents M like? yours?
Second, a month apart is not enough time to truly change or believe she has. Getting back together before insights/changes is a surefire way to end things permanently. To truly reconcile, you both have to want to, and you both have to see your roles in the R/s problems, be willing to change those behaviors, AND forgive each other. That does not happen in one month. I'd know. I've been apart from H nearly 21 months now and we are reconciling. But even now it is easy to backslide. We have 3 kids and over 25 years of marriage.
I recommend you do the following, as per my DB coach's ideas (and I think they are great, btw). IF you do have contact, listen like a lover/friend. No arguing or challenging her choices, b/c that will force her to defend her choices. She needs the space and time to figure many things out, including how much of her identity is wrapped up in her career. Careers change too. My H is in his 2nd career (physician, and a LOT of his identity is wrapped up in that) and I am in my 2nd career and money issues came up for us that I never expected. Do either of you have problems with money? Saving/agreeing/hiding it from each other?
Finally, has she tested you in the past? Did you sweep her off her feet originally? Why did you move in together? Is it possible she needs reassurance of your devotion and love? Do either of you have trust issues? I don't get the feeling that she is unsure of your love, I mean I doubt it, from what you say here. But I have to ask. Need more info about her and your R and how you interacted and much more about the work you both do. Any M plans originally?
good luck and keep posting and getting the db coaching if you can. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
